Continually Seeking God

Where the Spirit of the Lord Is...

2010-10-21T09:19:00.004-05:00

My church is a very typical mainline church, comprised for the most part of faithful people who are nearing the end of this life's journey. They cannot understand why their children and grandchildren do not attend this church with its stone walls and somber sanctuary. It saddens them that the organ that they love does not pull the younger generation towards God, that the programs that nurtured them do not provide spiritual sustenance for those who are climbing life's mountain instead of aiming downhill.

In the midst of this I know that I am called to help blaze a new trail. I'm called to promote a vision that is compelling enough to help the people overcome their doubt, fears and stubbornness. Why me? Literally, God only knows, because I don't.

Today I was reminded of the story in Numbers where the Israelites had reached the edge of the Promised Land. Moses sent in a team to check out what awaited them across the river. Of the team of twelve, ten of them were convinced that there was no way that they could find a home in that new place. Only two of them, Joshua and Caleb, came back saying "Hey, it's all good. God will be with us. That place is ours for the taking."

The ten told tales of giants too big to slay, cities too fortified to invade and people too numerous to overcome.

Joshua and Caleb said "God is with us. What's the big deal?"

The people listened to the ten. I probably would too. "Let's elect a new leader to take us back to Egypt. Maybe they'll let us be their slaves again and we'll have a place to live and food to eat." It made perfect sense. Moving forward made no sense at all. Joshua and Caleb must have been smoking the wacky weed!

How the heck did the scouting report of Joshua and Caleb become the one that they followed?

Because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is hope, faith and courage.

The spirit of fear is vanquished.

Translating the vision is also a God thing. The spirit of doubt and discouragement that lives within needs to move over. I don't have time or space for them.

Thanks God, for the reminder.

Becoming Community

2010-10-13T15:10:00.003-05:00

The few of you out there that read this blog know that on October 3, World Communion Sunday, we made the unusual move of gathering 4 DOC churches and 2 nesting non-Anglo churches together for worship. The fact that so many people actually voluntarily came together was a wonderful surprise. The fact that probably 20% of the people who would have normally attended worship at their "home" church but did not attend this service was unfortunately not a surprise at all.

All four churches are declining in attendance and increasing in age. Some have been at it longer than others, and some are further down the line toward extinction than others. But they all have one thing in common: there are some in every congregation that refuse to acknowledge that unless something changes that their beloved congregation will die. It doesn't matter what statistics you present them with; they refuse to believe that there are any changes that need to be made.

I realize that it takes a lot of faith to step into the unknown. But isn't that what living is all about? No matter what illusions we have that our lives are under our control, the truth is that we cannot control everything around us. Doesn't faith in God require us to acknowledge that we aren't the center of our universe?

While I don't believe that God is a puppet master, I do believe that there is a higher order to the universe, that God has a preferred outcome for us, and if we open ourselves up to God's leading that we can pursue that outcome. But opening myself up to God's leading probably means that I need to be willing to put aside my own predetermined ideas about what God might have in mind.

It is a joy to say that many people who came together that day ARE willing to explore what God might desire for our churches. The vision that the 5 pastors received during a retreat in August was that our congregations would "die" in order to be resurrected as one new thing. The economics suggest that it is possible, particularly if we leased commercial space instead of trying to build something new.
Yet even though we are very convinced that this was indeed a vision from God, what we are most hopeful for is that all of our congregations will be open to whatever God might be able to do through us.

Growing a new community out of the ashes of four former communities is the real issue. In the days when these churches were established, there was a full church on every corner, and having buildings two to three miles apart was not a problem. There were plenty of people to fill them. There are still as many people to fill them now as there were then -- it's just that the people of today associate our buildings and our way of being "church" as outdated and irrelevant. We can try to survive by struggling to lure people into our crumbling facilities with a handful of people sitting throughout our sanctuaries. But the odds are against us. It hasn't worked so far, so it's hard to imagine that it will work in the future.

Just how different are we, anyway, that trying to build a community would be so difficult? With minor exceptions we worship the same way, our committee structures are similar and we're all the same denomination. The majority of us are fairly "middle of the road" theologically, with some on either side of the middle in each congregation. What's the only thing that is REALLY keeping us apart? The attachment we have to the bricks and mortar.

We are drowning and instead of climbing onto a life raft we are insisting on hanging on to the hull of our respective ships. We'd rather go down with the ship than sail into new life. Does this make any sense?

It's never easy to build a community.

In the Thick of It

2010-09-15T14:13:00.003-05:00

I returned from a 12 day vacation a week ago. Those 12 days included 2 Sundays, which was a first for my 8 years in ministry - 2 Sundays off back to back. I'm grateful that my congregation supports the time that staff takes to relax and re-create. I was in dire need of it, and didn't really start to relax fully until three or four days into it. By that point if I'd been taking my usual 7 days off I would have started gearing up mentally for returning. This time I could postpone that and even delayed it until about two days before I was to return. It made a world of difference.

But now it's been a week already and in some ways I feel like I never left. But in others I can see that my energy is renewed and my enthusiasm is higher than it was when I left. But what has happened is that the time I was taking to spend on exercise has plummeted, and that will make me very tired in short order. I've got to realize that without exercise I'll be thicker than I am at this moment, both mentally and physically.

There are big things ahead for me in the next few weeks. I've got to be at my mental and spiritual best. I scheduled a 2 day conference months ago before I knew what would be on my plate the first Sunday of October. As I started to think about being gone I started to bemoan that the timing was all wrong, but I've spent the money and can't get it back. As I think about it I am realizing that the trip might be a blessing rather than a curse. It will be a time for me to spend with other pastors and hopefully to get even more excited about the task that lays ahead.

On October 3 I will be preaching to at least 5 and perhaps 6 congregations, 2 of which are ethnic. The congregations are gathering together to celebrate World Communion Sunday. Not only are we gathering together for this celebration, but I am also going to be sharing with these people the vision that the five pastors have had for the future. "Doing great big things in a great big way for a great big God." We had a retreat last month and an impossible vision was laid on our hearts, so we're pretty sure that God is in it. The task of sharing this has fallen to me, and I am humbled, proud, honored and excited. I'm not really scared -- at least not this minute. I'm excited though, and sometimes my excitement chokes me up, both physically and mentally. So I'm praying for calm in the midst of the excitement so that I can be coherent and effective with my words. I'm only going to be able to do that if I take care of myself though.

So I won't be in the thick of it.

Thoughts on Patriotism and Christianity

2010-08-26T10:01:00.005-05:00

As a minister I often receive forwarded e-mails from my congregation such as this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlfEdJNn15E. This is of a tour of the capitol lead by a pastor. The main focus is about our founding fathers being Christian, with visual evidence from paintings in the Capitol and other evidence from letters, etc. I have not researched the accuracy of the statements made in the video, but I am willing to take them as being factual.

What is implied but not said in the video is that the United States of America was founded as a Christian nation with Judeo-Christian values and therefore our government should be promoting Christianity. These are my words and not theirs, but this is the context in which I place these comments.

While it may be factual that many of the first citizens of this country were Christian, these same Christians stated in the 1st Amendment to the Constitution the following: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

When the writers of this amendment wrote it they were probably thinking of different sects of Christianity and perhaps Judaism. However, I've also been told that the level of church attendance around the time of the Revolution and during the writing of the Constitution was almost as low as it is today. A generous estimate is that 20% of our population is in worshiping in some house of worship in any given week. Some of the low attendance at that time might be attributed to people living in rural areas without access to churches, but it's my understanding that church attendance in the cities was not high either. That low attendance might not have been a sign of lack of faith, although it certainly was indicative of a lack of public worship. If you ask Americans today if they believe in God and if they pray the percentages are pretty high, somewhere between 85% and 90% is usually quoted. But that doesn't mean that they are all Christian, or attending a Christian church, or practicing a Christian life.

Just because government declares a religion the "official" state religion doesn't necessarily mean the citizens embrace that religion. Until the year 2000 the Lutheran church was the official church of Sweden. Yet I just went to the official website for Sweden and this is what it said: "In practice, Sweden is very secularized. The Church of Sweden is Evangelical Lutheran;[it] co-exists with many other beliefs."

Some Christians think the government persecutes Christianity, citing instances such as Christmas displays removed from city squares. Yet the school year still revolves around Christian holidays, especially Christmas. Should we be closing school for holidays celebrated by other religions? Or, should we Christians, like most other religions, be confronted with the choice to send our kids to school on a holy day or keep them home to observe it?

If our government was going to promote Christianity, I have two concerns:

1. Who gets to decide what kind of Christianity is acceptable? and

2. If a citizen chooses some other kind of religion or no religion, is it acceptable to ask the government to promote that too?

The Declaration of Independence says "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." If I am a citizen who chooses not to be religious, am I receiving equal treatment if I am subjected to government promotion of religion?

Perhaps we need to be careful what we are praying for. A prayer for the United States to "once again be a Christian nation" might be answered in the affirmative. But what if that Christianity wasn't YOUR brand of Christianity?

Hmmmmmm......

New beginnings

2010-08-20T15:26:00.004-05:00

Every time someone new comes to a staff they bring great expectations. We look at the new person as the catalyst that will get the rest of us excited again. We expect the new person to bring in new ideas and new perspectives that will re-energize us in our work. Many times this is the case, and sometimes it isn't.

I've lived through both situations, and more often than not I was the one who had hired or recommended the person. Sometimes things have turned out mostly like I'd planned, and sometimes they've been even BETTER than I've planned. But I'd say on an average I've made the right decision in personnel about 75 to 80% of the time. That leaves a lot of wiggle room for disappointing decisions though.

In the next two weeks we have two new people starting here at the church. One is a director for our child care program and the other is coming to lead youth ministry. I know how I think they should affect the rest of us. Yet who really knows what will happen? One of them I've known for several years and have even worked with before. The other I just met a week ago. But I've hired people I thought I knew and things didn't turn out as I expected, and I've hired people who I didn't know and things have been better than expected. (And vice versa of course.)

We never really know the details we need to know about a person until we've been put in the same "corral" for a while. This is true in the workplace, in marriage, in any kind of relationship that requires regular interaction. There are always kinks to be worked out, expectations to clarify (on both sides), and just the general "get-to-know-your-work-style" phase. But after we get moving, we tend to let things coast (or at least I do.) And that's not the way to keep any relationship healthy.

So here I am hoping to change that approach this time. I want to be more responsive on a regular basis to both of these people, meeting with them regularly to discuss the joys and challenges they face and we face together. I can't take for granted that they will (or even should) see things the way I do. We need to be intentional about our relationship just as we should be intentional about ALL our relationships.

My prayer is for perseverance, to continue to climb the mountain that is ahead of any good relationship. It's always so easy to coast. I want to keep pedaling!

Is Excess Ever Good?

2010-08-18T14:52:00.006-05:00

I've often said "Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess." This mantra has gotten me into trouble (such as with excess food) but it can also be a lot of fun (such as excess time spent playing). I realize that many promote the idea of complete moderation in all things. I know that there are lots of reasons that moderation should be the norm. Moderate political policies appeal to many people. Moderate use of resources is to be applauded. Moderate portions of food keep one from being overstuffed.

But aren't there occasions and seasons of life when excess is actually a good thing? Excessive enthusiasm about a vision might be the best way for the vision to be realized. Who wants to follow a leader who says "Here's the vision. I think it's really good. You should follow this vision."? Wouldn't you rather follow someone who is SOLD OUT for the vision. HEY PEOPLE... LOOK WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS IS? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME IN MAKING THIS GREAT THING HAPPEN? (imagine someone who is bouncing up and down with enthusiasm as this is said.) You might think they're a little strange, and you might not agree with the vision, but at least you'd know that THEY believe in it.

Or how about people who have excess money? Isn't philanthropy fueled by those who have, for whatever reason, accumulated so many resources that they are able to give away some of it for the good of others? I'll grant you that I'll probably never be rich, and perhaps that is why I have this belief that those to whom much has been given much is to be expected. If I was a billionaire maybe I wouldn't think that way, but I would hope that the generosity that I practice today would not diminish but would actually increase if I accumulated excess money.

Can we ever have too much of a good thing? Love, generosity, talent, wisdom. Can we ever be excessively kind (not phony kindness but REAL GENUINE CONCERN for others), or excessively empathetic or excessively enthusiastic? I guess it's possible.

But I'm holding on to my mantra. It is a nice accompaniment to "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission." But that's another post.

2010-08-17T13:31:00.004-05:00

I don't have time to write in this blog. But I have decided that it is one of those little disciplines in life that are good for me. So Here I Am Lord.

There are lots of changes going on in my world. We just hired two new people that I am responsible for overseeing. I am one of 5 pastors who have had a vision that we are praying about, laying out a fleece to see if it's God's idea or ours. My youngest child (and this time he really IS IT) is now officially a senior in high school, and the changes that brings are already making me feel wistful and a bit sad. But I'm the one who rallies around the cry "Change is good!" But it's also not the easiest route to travel.

I thought I'd also start posting my sermon manuscripts here from time to time, although that makes me a bit nervous. Mostly because what I write is often not what I end up saying. But, for what it's worth, I'm posting it here. Let me give credit to Andy Stanley and his book "The Principle of the Path" here before I post it. I've been using it for this month of Sundays as the basis for the sermon series. Usually I credit him in the sermon, but since this is number 4 of 5 I didn't this week. My bad. Here it is:

The Heart of the Matter Jer 17:9-10; Jn 8:31-32
Rev. Suzi Goldt August 15, 2010

The Principle of the Path:
“Direction, not intention, determines destination”

Let’s be honest. Most of us are bright enough to know that this principle is indisputable. We might not always SEE what’s at the end of the path, but when we look backward we can usually, if we’re truthful, see exactly how we got to where we are today. We can look back at the financial decisions we’ve made, the life-style decisions we’ve made, the relationship decisions we’ve made and say “Yep – that’s where everything came together for me.” Or “Darn – I really wish someone would have told me that I’d end up here; I would have gone a different direction.” And sometimes we look back and see that we were forced on to a detour that we didn’t want to take: the loss of a job; the death of a spouse; the downturn of the economy. Things like these are just like the big “DETOUR” signs around my neighborhood right now as they rebuild the Overland Parkway, otherwise known as 69 Highway or to really long-timers, the Switzer Bypass. There is no choice. I cannot get on where I normally do, and it usually adds a few minutes to any destination I’m heading for.

We’re all reasonably smart people with pretty good brains and lots of common sense. But we’ve all made decisions that we knew were NOT going to take us where we wanted to go from the minute we made them. Our intelligence didn’t stop us. For example, how many of us have taken on a payment for something that we just HAD to have, something like a new TV, a new car, a new kitchen, a time-share at the lake… I’ll bet each and every one in this room has, at some time, justified some action that really wasn’t totally justifiable. Sure, we might have been able to afford it. But we didn’t have any real NEED for it; we just WANTED it.

Take Chuck for instance. His wife had a perfectly good SUV. Chuck took it down and traded it in for a new one. The reason he TOLD himself that he bought it was “I got it because the other one was eating us alive with poor gas mileage. This one is more fuel efficient.” Give me a break. NOBODY buys an SUV if the real reason is fuel efficiency. The best SUV couldn’t possibly be as fuel efficient as a smaller car. But that was the reason that helped justify the purchase for Chuck. If he’d been honest, he probably would have said “The reason I bought it is because the new one looks better, smells better, has a Bluetooth and some smokin’ hot twenty-inch wheels.”

Now I don’t mean to pick on car purchases. We can do this with just about anything. We all know that we have.

The question is: Why do we do that?

We talked about making wise, prudent decisions last week. And we all know that the wise decision will take us down the path of ultimate happiness. But here’s the rub. Our IMMEDIATE HAPPINESS isn’t always stroked when we’re prudent. We are constantly on the prowl for that buzz of happiness that happens right NOW. We tell ourselves we should be happy that we take our money and put it into a savings account for a rainy day. But when we just saw that shiny new THING, that we had to have, like an18 foot bass fishing boat with 100% unsinkable level flotation, lifetime structural hull warranty, pro seat with power pole, and Teleflex sea star hydraulic steering,

or that beautiful solid oak dining set including a 10 foot extendable table with 8 chairs and a china hutch with two wood-framed, beveled glass doors, 3 adjustable glass shelves and halogen lights,

WE’RE NOT ALL THAT HAPPY!

And we should think: “I’ve got that money that I’ve been saving for future house repairs. Won’t it be wonderful to have the money to pay for a new roof when it starts to leak? That will make me happy.”

Of COURSE we don’t think that.

We think “I’d be very happy if I had that boat. It’s the coolest boat I’ve ever seen.” And then we start in with the justification. “I’d probably catch more fish in that boat because it would take me out farther into the lake and it would be more comfortable so I’d fish longer. And if I caught more fish we could eat them and we’d save money on our grocery bill. And I can take my grandchildren fishing with me and we’ll have a wonderful time.” (That excuse works even if that the grandchild isn’t even conceived yet.)

Or

“That dining set is JUST what I’ve been looking for. It is so beautiful.” And the justification stage kicks in “I can host all kinds of family dinners; we’ll really bond as a family around the table. The china hutch will hold my grandmothers china and my children will be enriched by the heritage of the stories that I’ll tell them about my grandmother.”

You get the point.

In the Message version of the writings of the prophet Jeremiah we read:
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be." Jeremiah 17:9-10 (the Message)
We lie to ourselves every day so that we can have what we want when we want it.

We don’t NEED the Starbucks coffee. We can brew coffee at home whenever we want for a lot less; even if we can’t bring ourselves to do that we can buy it at McDonalds. But we LIKE Starbucks better, and it makes us happy; so we buy it. Maybe we justify the $20 or $30 we spend a week on coffee by saying “It’s my one little luxury that I allow myself to have.” There’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s just be honest though; it’s not the ONLY luxury we have. Our entire lives are more luxurious than most of the rest of the world.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting what we want; but the only way to coolly examine our wants and recognize them as wants instead of needs is to be HONEST with ourselves. We are so used to justification that we automatically jump to those thoughts in order to make our wants OK. We can’t live wise, prudent lives on paths that lead to our ultimate destination if we’re not sure where we are right now. That’s why we’ve got to be honest with ourselves.

We might decide to go ahead and be unwise. We might know that a particular decision is going to take us down a path that will eventually lead us to a dead end, or even a destructive end. Prudent, wise people wouldn’t go there and we know it. But today we say “I’m going into the jungle knowing it’s full of poisonous snakes and deadly spiders. But that’s what I want to do and I’m going to do it.” No justification, just honesty.

At one point early in my ministry I counseled a couple who was planning their wedding. They had been living together for seven years, and now they were going to be married. The length of time they had been together was significant in itself because many marriages start to travel on some bumpy roads at the seven year mark. Their relationship was beyond bumpy. They didn’t agree on anything. They didn’t like each others habits. They didn’t agree on religion. They had completely different styles of money management. They didn’t agree on how their children should be raised. (Thankfully they didn’t have any at the time.) One of them dominated the other one and the one being dominated resented it terribly. So after three counseling sessions I asked them, “Why do you want to get married to each other?”

And she said, “Because I love him.
And he said, “Because I love her.”

If love had ever existed in that relationship, it was hard to find evidence of it now. They could not come up with any concrete answers to the question. I advised them together and separately to seriously consider breaking up, living apart and taking some time as individuals to find out what they really wanted from a mate.

I’d love to tell you that they didn’t get married. They did. And I performed the ceremony, justifying it by saying “Well they’d just go get someone else to do it so I guess I might as well.”

And they justified it by saying “When we get married everything will be different.”

All three of us were wrong.

Jesus, in the gospel of John says this:
"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32 (TNIV)
Only when we tell the truth to ourselves can we be free to follow the wise path and avoid destruction.

In every area of my life I have learned that if I have to think of a justification for what I am about to do, then I need to think hard about whether I should be doing it at all.

That doesn’t mean that blind decisions made hastily are the way to stay on the path either. We can’t rush into a decision without thinking and assume that it’s going to take us where we want to go. We could get lucky, but the odds are against us.

But most decisions aren’t made blindly. And usually we have plenty of information and insight and can SEE that a particular path is likely to lead us in the wrong direction. The problem is we deceive ourselves; we refuse to be honest with ourselves so we can justify our ability to do things that make us happy in the moment, even though they are more than likely to make us miserable in the long term.

Our society often lives by the adage “Trust your heart.” But Jeremiah had it right. The heart, that part of us that is looking for immediate happiness, lies to us. The only way we can work around it is to KNOW that it lies. To be honest with ourselves about our ability to deceive ourselves. We can’t trust it, because it’s like a two-year-old. It’s that part of us that does not want to see that a stove is hot and that if you pull the dog’s tail it will bite. Your two-year-old self will find a way to convince your adult, wise, prudent self that eating that pastry today won’t kill you; that hanging around the cute girl in the office won’t lead to infidelity; that going into debt that you can’t afford won’t ruin you.

The truth is liberating, but it can be terrifying and maddening. Whenever we’re about to make a decision that could end in an undesired destination, let’s fill in the blank. Say “The real reason I ……..”

The real reason I don’t invite people to my home is….
The real reason I don’t call my kids is…..
The real reason I don’t call my parents is….
The real reason I drink so much is….
The real reason I don’t go to church is…..
The truth will set us free to follow the path that takes us in the correct direction.

But first it might make you scared. It might make you angry.

But better to be scared and angry now with the truth than to be angry later with the deception.

Fear Not

2010-08-14T10:27:00.002-05:00

I've just come from a meeting with some of the members of our church's Preaching Team. This group consists of individuals, both lay and clergy, who feel God's urging to speak publicly about their faith. The lay among them usually preach at our small chapel service each week, but occasionally are assigned to fill in at our larger services as well. We meet monthly to discuss the challenges of preaching and how we can be faithful to God through his church. Most of the time we address our mandate to help connect others to God through Jesus the Christ.

Today we talked about a lot of things. Because we don't follow an agenda we move from one topic to the next freely. Today we briefly discussed author Anne Rice's decision to "leave" Christianity but not Christ. We came to the consensus that she'd be very comfortable in our church. Then we circled back to how our church can be more effective in reaching people for God. We talked about how our society is so polarized; we talked about how the media loves to pit us against one another, and uses fear of the other to sell their wares to us.

Then it hit us. Perhaps the only "slogan" that we as a church need to share is this: Fear not. Do not fear. Don't be afraid. This is a theme that runs continually through the scriptures. God continually exhorts his people not to be afraid:

The word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
"Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward. (Gen 15:1)

So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:31)

There are a lot more than these; this just gives you a beginning.

So we decided that whenever we preach, at least for a time, we are going to share this simple message with our people. "Don't be afraid." In the words of one of my favorite Veggie Tales songs: "God is bigger than the boogie man.

Signs

2010-08-13T13:57:00.001-05:00

I've been back from a twenty four hour retreat for 5 hours and it seems like it was a week ago.

It was a great retreat -- a working retreat but still very good. "God things" were happening with the five of us who went to Tall Oaks and discussed how God was moving in our midst. We asked ourselves "Why did God call us together? Why now? We asked for vision and wisdom. We prayed, we worshiped, we prayed and we were bold enough to believe that God may just have given us a huge vision. We even paid for a domain name for something that might never come to be. We're going to continue to have the vision confirmed and refined and then we'll lay it out for the world. But first we're laying out our fleece for God. A sign... something that helps us to KNOW we're headed in the right direction.

We could easily ignore this; in fact our lives would be much easier if we did. There's nothing really in it for us except work and struggle, probably heartache and derision to boot. But there is so much potential for great things to happen too, great things that WE might not even see come completely to reality. So if we really do follow this vision and it all comes to pass, it's truly going to be a "God thing."

I've got to find some time in the next 48 hours to pray about all of this deeply. If there's anyone reading this, I ask that you would pray too. Whatever the sign might be, I hope it's a clear YES or NO. But God rarely works that way, so we'll probably continue to live in ambiguity for a long time. Perhaps assuredness of ones path only happens in hind sight.

The business and busy-ness of life

2010-08-11T11:31:00.002-05:00

Twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the evening for meditation really appeals to me. I get to both about .05% of the time. I get to one or the other probably 50% of the time

An hour of aerobic and or strengthening exercise a day six out of seven days. I've accomplished this maybe twice in recent years.

Eating fresh, healthy, nutritious food for every meal. I'm batting about .300 for that one --- not bad for baseball, not good for health.

Managing my money so that I save 10%, give 10% and spend the rest wisely. Never did that very well either.

So does this make me a failure at life? Some might say so. But here's what I think I get right most of the time.

I care for my family and they care for me.

A day doesn't go by when I am not moved by something. I feel deep sorrow at many of the tragedies of life. I am angered and grieved by how unkind we can be to one another (including my own behavior). I rejoice in little things; the beauty of the sky when it's almost but not quite dark; the sound of teenagers exploring the world in their conversations; the amazing way musical harmony can resonate within my soul.

There are things that I do that make the world a better place for someone -- even if it's just one person at a time. I will admit that I'm too self-centered, yet at the same time I know that there are sacrifices (small as they may be) that I make for others.

Who knows if, in the end, all of the good that happens in my life will outweigh the things that I do poorly or leave undone completely. I have faith that God loves us so completely that we have no worries about being supremely happy in the hereafter, no matter what. Whether we are happy in the now depends upon our willingness to do what we know is meaningful and uplifting for us. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I think the struggle in life is to make today's experience as meaningful and uplifting as it is within my power to do.

And sometimes I allow the business and busy-ness of life to interfere with that.

Why do you suppose we do that to ourselves? Obligation? Fear? Inadequacy?

When I find out what it is for me, I hope I'm wise enough and strong enough to overcome it and make every day count.

Letting Go

2010-08-08T23:08:00.002-05:00

This week my granddaughter was supposed to go to her first church camp. When I asked her if she wanted to go, she seemed enthusiastic. Her brothers both did too. That was at the beginning of the summer. On the first day of camp, about an hour after she was supposed to be there, I received word from her father/my son that she didn't want to go and he had forgotten about it. Her mother told her she didn't have to go.

I know that at 13 it is difficult to go someplace new on your own, without a friend. Yet her aunt/my daughter was there, and my granddaughter knew it. She didn't say anything about not wanting to go ahead of time. It wasn't until the day that camp started that we first had any inkling that she didn't want to go.

Now that would be reason enough for me to be peeved. The fee was already paid and I know I won't be getting all of my money back. But that's not the reason I'm having such a hard time letting go of this.

This family does not participate in any religious institution. That's at least partly my fault, as I wasn't participating in any religious institution on any regular basis when my son was growing up. I've never pushed to get them to do so because I firmly believe that it is their choice. But I can't think of a better place to experience God than camp. And that's the only reason I wanted them to go.

But I particularly wanted her to go, because she desperately needs to know that she's ok without having to act like an 18 year old. And she missed that experience.

So I'm trying to let go, and hoping that perhaps I can persuade her for next year.

Letting go. It's tough.

Two days in a row

2010-08-06T12:24:00.003-05:00

I think the secret to life is doing something for the second time. Of course if it's a really good habit, it needs to happen a lot more than twice. But NOTHING becomes a habit if you do it once.

So today I did one thing a second time ... second consecutive day that is. I'm posting to my blog. I really enjoy taking the time to write down my thoughts and the little exhibitionist in me (she has lived with me for a very long time) loves thinking that someone else might actually read it and that it will lead to something in their lives becoming just a little bit better because of it. Doesn't even have to relate to what I wrote. I find that many times I read other people's writings and get sent off on a tangent that makes a difference to me.

So today I'm trying to establish this new habit. Nothing too profound to say right now. Except that doing something twice means I'm much more likely to do it a third time.

As proof of that I went to my aqua aerobics class this morning. I've been doing some sort of exercise at least 3 times a week (most weeks that is) for almost a year now. It's because I went the second time a year ago. I'm still striving to do something physical six days out of seven.This week it's been 5 out of 5. If I go tomorrow (which is the plan) I will have made it to that goal for the first time this year.

But I had to go the second time to make it happen.

So ---- maybe I will become a blog giant by this time next year!

Later,

Me and my little exhibitionist

Learn something new every day!

2010-08-05T12:17:00.002-05:00

Today I learned that if you have a blog you should a) write in it more often than twice a year; and b) check it for spam comments. I never even considered that such a thing as a spam comment existed!

So now I must make the decision whether or not to continue to keep this page up or to just ditch it and be done with it. Kind of like a lot of things in life. Just because they seem like a good idea or opportunity doesn't mean that they are always right for you.

I was talking to someone about this blog a few months ago and she said "Just do it." Sounds familiar, right? Changing habits is a terribly difficult thing. This is not a habit. But I know that I can change if I really want to. I'm now in the habit of removing my makeup every night. (I am somewhat ashamed to say that for years I simply waited until the morning to wash.) That's not as big of a thing as writing down my thoughts every day, or getting regular exercise, but even exercise is more prevalent in my life than it used to be.

Right now our sermon series is based upon a book called "The Principle of the Path". The principle is simple and obvious: Direction, not intention, determines your destination. Duh! But knowing that a particular life path probably leads to an undesired outcome isn't always enough to make someone want to take it. It's because a life direction always has that possibility, regardless of how slim, that it might work out differently for me in my particular unique circumstances. Unlike heading north, south, east or west on a road, the direction one takes in life has exceptions to the rule. Everyone has heard of the successful millionaire who never finished high school. The fact that 99.9% of high school dropouts DON'T become millionaires isn't deterrent enough. Everyone knows a pack-a-day smoker who lived to be 90. Everyone knows someone who overeats and doesn't exercise and still seems to be vital and healthy. Everyone knows someone who is a free-spending person who always seems to get by financially. But the odds are way against us. Why do we think WE will be the exception.

I know that I suffer from exceptional thinking all of the time, using the excuse "God will find a way." God has found a way. He's given us the ability to receive a good education; great amounts of healthy, nutritious food; muscles and hearts built to be used; saving and generosity to keep our finances in a healthy balance. Most of us are not going to see a burning bush or hear a voice from heaven that says "Head that way!" We have to rely on our own experience and that of others.

So Jacque, if you're reading this, thanks for alerting me to the spam/porn responses to my meager blog entries. I'm going to make a concerted effort to make this a #1 priority .... writing down my thoughts for whoever wants to read them for whatever reasons. It's just my attempt to share my experiences so that someone might have a better idea what direction to take in their own lives. Sometimes a bad example can be a good example of what NOT to do!

Like not ignoring your blog.

Easter and Celebrations

2009-04-21T12:41:00.002-05:00

It's been an amazing 2 weeks here at Countryside. Easter morning was wonderful! There were 45 visitors that morning. If we see 5 in the coming weeks we'll be excited. Actually, one family told a great story about how they arrived at our door the second week. They said they got ready to go to church, not knowing where they might end up. When they got into the car, they looked at each other and said "Do we need to go anywhere else?" They directed their car to our doors and joined in the combined service celebration that was a great departure from anything we've ever done before. We clapped with the praise team and reveled to the organ. We "combined" but did not "blend" giving space for both types of musical expression, and we changed the order of service so that it was neither one or the other, but a wonderful stand-alone service of worship. Many asked that we do it on a regular basis; some once a month, some four times a year. But very few seemed to be upset about having to share "their" pew with someone else, and overall it was a great success.

Yet, I'm not sure whether we were all excited about the service because of the potential for getting closer to God, or whether we were just excited to see the church full and perhaps have the opportunity to meet those who we don't see often. Not that the latter is a bad thing -- doing mission together is much easier when we know who we're working with. But the idea that we need to know everyone who comes through the doors is a very limiting one. Even I as a pastor don't know everyone. There are Boy Scouts and Quilters and people who come through these doors all of the time that I don't know. Somehow though we have gotten the idea that if someone worships in this space on Sunday morning that we should be one big, happy family.

I think that's exactly what we are. My family of origin is a big (6 siblings, spouse, kids, kids of kids, etc.) happy family. We come together for family gatherings a couple of times a year. And yet I would daresay that even though we know each other in one sense, in everyday matters we probably really do NOT know one another. We communicate electronically from time to time, but that is not a substitute for really knowing one another in the way that we get to know co-workers or close friends or our immediate family. As we live our lives in separate places with separate careers and ways of looking at life, we are all playing our part in the world. Do we love each other any less because we are not together all of the time? I don't think so. I have a brother who is in need of a kidney, and if I am declared a match you know I will donate it. But I haven't been a part of his day-in and day-out life for more years than I want to admit. But I still love him.

Perhaps the analogy doesn't completely work. However, we should be no less loving and caring for those we don't see week in and week out than those at "our" service -- or for that matter, than for those at "our" church! There are many better opportunities for getting to know each other than worship, which is essentially God's time to communicate with the community through the community, not simply our time to communicate with one another. Yes, part of what we are here for is mutual support and accountability, but we don't have to be intimately acquainted to be supportive, and our closer sisters and brothers can keep us accountable.

I loved the combined service, but I love our individual services too. They meet a special need for those who enjoy a particular style of reaching out to God and having God touch us back. I count it a blessing that they ALL reach me! I believe God has called us to provide more than one way to worship, even though we could, at present, accommodate everyone under one roof at the same time. What do you think? If a church can provide different worship styles, should they? Or should they be good stewards and "bunch up" and either blend, combine or force one style or another?

Thoughts?

Resurrection Sunday

2009-04-10T16:27:00.003-05:00

To all those who are planning on becoming ministers -- and based on who is following this blog, its both of my readers -- what a fantastic challenge you have ahead of you. What I'm referring to, of course, is preaching on Easter.

Now, when you're a lowly associate (which just means you get less pay for doing extremely varied and sometimes difficult things) you don't have to worry about this in the least. No senior minister is going to let anyone else get into the pulpit on what is the most important Sunday of the year. But someday, somehow, you will be asked to preach an Easter sermon. No preassure.

Any given Sunday you will have people in the pew who know more about the subject than you do, people who think they know something but aren't sure exactly what they know and people who don't have a clue. To whom do we preach? Well we're preaching to them all, but to whom do we target our thoughts? I've always opted for those who don't have a clue, but it must be nuanced, because you don't want to bore those who are more than likely the pillars of the church (i.e.-- those who could make your life really miserable should they choose to do so.) It's a task each and every Sunday. But Easter Sunday -- well this is the big time, since this is one of the 2 Sundays of the year that some "Christians" show up within the walls of a church (excluding weddings and funerals.)

So what exactly can you say? And what do you say if your own theology is in a state of flux most of the time? (I wish this weren't true; it would be easy to be black and white about these things, but I live in the land of gray.) It's a treat to see what gets put down on paper after study, prayer and reflection. But it's always a challenge.

It's all on paper now for this coming Sunday. I'm always open for something new though. Who knows.... maybe I'll learn something between now and then!

Have a great Easter!

April Fools Day

2009-04-01T14:31:00.003-05:00

It's been a year since my hysterectomy. (That's not a joke -- I really did let a doctor operate on me on April Fools day.) I went in today for a check up, and my doctor (not the surgeon) said that it was a dangerous thing to have let someone operate on me on April Fools day. I knew that she was kidding, but I half expected that after her examination she would tell me that it was all still down there!

I haven't explored the origin of April Fools day recently, so I don't know exactly how it got started and why it continues. I like a good joke as much as the next person, but wonder a bit about a day that is set aside for us to intentionally make 'fools' of someone else. The essence of the April Fools' day joke is to try to pull the wool over someone's eyes by telling them a story that, while it sounds true, is just far-fetched enough to catch someone off guard. "Did you hear that Barack Obama made all of his staff stand up before him and recite the entire Emancipation Proclamation?" Sounds like it could be possible, but is on some level a bit disconcerting; we don't want to believe its true, but we also don't want to belittle the person telling us the story by not believing her. (If this little sentence about Obama becomes an internet hoax I'll feel really bad that I started something!) But if you buy into it, and then someone says "April Fools!" then you are the one who has been belittled.

In my life I have honed sarcasm to a fine point. I can't imagine ever being willing to let go of it entirely. But the more I try to follow the ways of Jesus, the more I'm convinced that he never had fun at someone else's expense, except perhaps vicariously. If he saw someone pull a good prank I imagine he laughed the same as you and I would. But I don't think he would be the prank puller. I'm pretty convinced that Jesus was a fun-loving guy, but not fun at the expense of another person. And no matter how much someone laughs when they are at the cutting end of a sarcastic remark, it's still cutting nonetheless.

There's no reason we can't have fun without being sarcastic. It may take me a lifetime to learn, but hopefully I will master the skill someday.

And that's no April Fools.

Differences in spirituality

2009-03-25T09:30:00.002-05:00

This past weekend I took my annual pilgrimage to Conception Abbey, a Benedictine monastery, with several young adults. My friend Gabe and I have been taking kids to the Abbey for several years, concentrating on older high schoolers and college-aged folk. This year we had 5 attendees who were all college-aged, and it was a new experience for 4 of them.

Catholic spirituality and worship tradition is very different from what most of those attending are comfortable with. We had 4 Disciples of Christ and 1 Seventh Day Adventist in our group. But they dutifully attended the praying of the hours, the 5 times that the monks get together and pray and chant, mostly from the Psalms, with one celebration of the Eucharist. We happened to be there on the weekend when they were celebrating the Feast of St. Benedict, and this was even more "out there" than anything they had ever experienced. The Eucharist celebration was a high mass, with incense and sung responses to everything. We were forewarned by our monk host, Brother Cyprian, that this was the "big show", and it was.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic church, so for me incense and candles and signs of the cross from forehead to chest to shoulders is a soothing thing. It takes me back to the piety of my 8 year-old self who was very proud to kneel straight and to know all of the proper responses (which, I believe, were still in Latin at the time.) I can still pretty much recite all of the English responses to this day, and can recite the Creed. I find it all rather "Zen" since I kick into auto pilot. It's only when I think of what I'm saying that I can become uncomfortable. Do I really believe that Mary was a virgin? I think it's possible; I'm rather agnostic to the idea actually. Do I believe that Jesus "descended into hell"? Who's to know? There are lots of reasons why I'm not a Catholic anymore. But I still find attending the Mass and chanting with the monks a time for experiencing a richness of feeling that I ascribe to a greater awareness of God's presence.

But my daughter is exactly the opposite. Since she has always been DOC, and her encounters with the Catholic church have largely been at funerals and weddings, she has no use for the "smells and bells", the repeated chants, the automatic responses. Instead of feeling any closeness to God, she feels repulsed by what she assumes is the judgmental attitude of those who refuse to serve her the Lord's Supper. I can't say that I blame her. But there are other DOC's (Gabe is one for sure) who enjoy this little trek back to the middle ages, with robed monks and chant and ancient rituals. He's never been Catholic. Perhaps its his age. Yet one of our attendees was a returnee for her 3rd time, so obviously there are others who appreciate these things.

I think its the way that we're wired. I suppose it might be possible to acquire a taste for differences -- I developed an appreciation for Protestant worship when I let go my preconceived notions of what worship should be based upon my childhood. But I also think it might be a lot like broccoli. Some of us hate it all our lives, some learn to tolerate it, others actually love it. But it's all about how your taste buds are set upon your tongue, about textures that you find appealing, about the pleasure you get in chewing certain things. The same thing is true in worship.

Most everyone I know says they find God in nature. I agree as well. But there is also something very good about people coming together to worship. It exponentially charges the atmosphere I think, as long as we feel like we're on the same grid with others. But if we're not, perhaps we just feel like a lonely triple A battery out there alone, with no recharger.

It's just about how we're built.

Transformation

2009-03-10T09:29:00.004-05:00

This weekend I attended a DOC sponsored workshop about Transforming Churches. You may remember that in 2000 the DOC's set a goal to start 1000 new churches and transform 1000 existing churches by the year 2020. We're doing pretty well on the new church starts, somewhere in the 600+ range I think, but how many transformations have begun is another question.

When I got home from the event my husband says "What does church transformation mean, anyway?" Good question. I told him I thought it was like pornography -- you know it when you see it. How can we define and measure transformation anyway? Whether it's personal or whether it's the church, painting a picture of a transformed entity is difficult. It's difficult because, unlike a caterpillar who turns into a butterfly, there are likely to be many things that appear to be the same on the outside even though the inside might be entirely different. That's the way it SHOULD be, in my opinion.

A transformed church could include a renovation of the outside of course. A new building could be built or a remodeling of physical spaces could be undertaken; but unless something happens to change our insides, we can make all of the changes to the outsides that we want with little to no true effect. (This is true for people too; I can lose weight and build up my muscles, but unless I change my attitude about nutrition and exercise, the outside changes won't last long.)
In the church, our transformation starts with new attitudes. It starts with the idea that God is #1. That should seem pretty obvious, but because churches are human institutions, we can be very focused on ourselves first and God second. We worry about things like the timing of our services and the comfort of our pews and the accessibility to our buildings before we think about why those things matter. I know a church that built a wonderful new building and expected to fill it with people because of how great the building was compared to the old facility. But they didn't change their attitudes toward God nor towards one another. The same old feuds and rivalries existed. The same old reliability on people-power instead of God-power. The only thing that changed was the outside appearance. What was it Jesus said? Something like "It isn't the outside that makes you unclean but what comes from the inside??"

One of the great things that I heard this weekend was this: "You have everything you need to transform your congregation." So many of us get caught up in the fact that we don't have audio/visual technology or people to make up a praise team, or the parking lot is too small or the walls are dingy and need repainting. These are all things I have obsessed over myself. And, while I still hope that we can make some of the needed physical changes, I see now that they are a result of internal changes in perception, not the other way around. We will acquire things that are necessary to support our inner needs, not the other way around. Things don't change our hearts. This has been an obvious conclusion to me in other areas of my life; I don't know why it has just now been hammered into me when it comes to thinking about the church. But things seem different to me now than it did last week. (Is that transformation?)

So this time next year will I be able to point to our church and say "we are being transformed?" I hope so. What will I be able to point to? I don't know --- but I'm sure I'll know it when I see it!

Regularity

2009-03-04T09:10:00.002-06:00

I have this bookmark set to open up with Firefox (don't you just love this browser!) automatically, so I have to consciously choose NOT to write an entry everyday. Some days I just click it shut without giving it a thought. Other times I think that I SHOULD do it -- I started this thing, so I should follow through. It occurs to me that this is a lot like my attitude toward prayer.

Some of us at Countryside Christian Church are on a special journey during Lent, with the goal being that we will learn to be more comfortable sharing our faith with others. We mainliners are pretty darn private about our faith, and we're not too good at putting words to why we continue to be disciples of Jesus Christ. A big part of this journey is to pray daily for 30 minutes. Of course we're not dictatorial about it, but it is an expectation. So every day I am faced with the decision: whether or not to pray, when to pray, where to pray. The "bookmark" opens every morning when I wake up and remains open until I lay down at night. I can decide to close it or open it, but I can't ignore it.

I'm more successful when I know where and when I'm going to pray, rather than having to decide those things. So when I'm here in my office, it's first thing in the morning on my couch. That's the easy do; the only thing that stands in my way is if I do ANYTHING else first and get distracted. So I try to open the door, light the candle and get started, with no distractions. The harder part is when I'm not coming to my office. There is no quiet place in my house, except my closet. So last Sunday evening I went into my messy closet, the one with the big blue trash bag full of clothes that I don't wear and my husbands dusty suits that he hasn't worn in 20 years but refuses to give away, and I set up my little altar of candle on the little fireproof file box, sat down on the floor and began praying. Amazingly -- it actually works. That's one more bookmark that opens automatically that compels me to do what I know I should do.

The other wonderful thing about regularity in anything is that the more I do it, the more I want to do it. Shoulds, oughts and musts turn into iwannas. Iwannas are good; they are even fun sometimes. The trick is to do something regularly long enough to turn them into iwannas. Yet even very regular iwannas sometimes slip back to idonwannas, and then I have to decide all over again whether or not to open the bookmark.

Regularity -- it has its upside. But its not foolproof.

Lenten reflections

2009-02-27T14:20:00.002-06:00

I loved the way the Ash Wednesday service transpired. We started out upbeat and worked our way toward the solemnity of placing ashes. Back in the day, when I was a little Catholic girl, I do not remember ever having the choice of where the ashes were placed. They went on your forehead, for everyone to see as you left the service. This night (and the 2 others prior) I gave our people the choice of forehead or hand. The majority leaned in with their head, a tiny nervous smile on their faces, waiting for the ashy inscription of a cross and the words "Remember you are dust and unto dust you will return."

Placing ashes upon someone has been one of the most sacred activities of my ministry. Last year a woman who had dwindled to become almost a specter of herself because of the cancer ravaging her body came forward. As I place the ashes upon her forehead, I was as certain as I could be that this would be the last time she ever experienced this ceremonial reminder of her earthly finitude. And indeed, a few weeks later, sometime following the celebration of Resurrection, she left us, becoming one with the earth. I wonder whose face will no longer be here this time next year.

This act is not a sad one. In my entire faith journey my belief in life after earthly death has not been shaken, except for tiny tremors from time to time. I have been granted the comforting belief, which is actually stronger than faith as it approaches the level of certainty, that death in this world is only the opening to a great eternal life. To be marked by ashes is a promise to me, a promise that the uncertainties of this life will one day be behind me. It is a promise that my best days here will not come close to being as wonderful as my worst days there.

I'm looking forward to the remaining days before we celebrate Resurrection as a time to ponder my life now and how it can best be lived. I'm so glad that I will one day no longer have to concern myself with such questions.

Why Are We Here?

2009-02-13T10:19:00.004-06:00

This is the concluding title in the message series A Movement for Wholeness in a Fragmented World all about the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). Last year I did one message about the DOC and folks said "We need to do this every year." This year I expanded it to "Who Are We?", "What Do We Believe?" and this Sunday "Why Are We Here?" The first two were fairly easy to explain; well, as easy as anything Disciple is to explain. We're Stone/Campbell Restoration folk who are not easily lead but yet want to be open to to Christian unity. But this week's question is tougher. What I'm seeking an answer for is what unique thing do we offer the world? I asked the question on Facebook and one of my fellow pastors said "Why do we have to be unique?"

Certainly, we don't. In fact, the thing that is somewhat unique about us, that drive toward Christian unity, would ultimately make us NOT unique but part of an amorphous thing known as the Christian church universal. However, I don't see that happening any time soon. There are two main reasons I can think of:

Those who like black and white answers are very ill at ease with those of us who see shades of gray. Biblical literalists are rarely capable of granting space to those of us who see the Bible in shades of metaphor.
People are tribal. We like to know how to identify those who we know will agree with us and defend us.

These 2 traits alone make Christian unity impossible for the foreseeable future. Until humanity is able to overcome the desire to be certain, we will not be able to overcome our differences and become one Christian community. And so, as long as we, the DOC, do exist -- why? Why should we continue to exist? What are we doing for the world that others are not?

There is perhaps nothing that we are doing that others aren't. But we are a driving force for openness, for accepting the different races and cultures into our midst (although, they are forming their own congregations, not joining existing ones. See #2 above). We appreciate and foster an atmosphere of self-exploration of faith issues. We're pretty passionate about justice, and many in our midst are devoted to peace. Since we don't have any creed but Christ, our tent is pretty big and open.

I have long thought that the beauty of the CC (DOC) is just that -- no creed but Christ. And I for one can see a very broad interpretation of our affirmation that "Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God" and "acceptance as personal savior." Which means that lots of folks can come in, kick the tires on this thing called church, search for meaning and belief, and still be accepted without pressure. No one is asked to hurry up and make a decision. No one is threatening hell and damnation. We try mightily to practice love and acceptance. We also fail at that -- but not for lack of desire.

I believe in the More (see Marcus Borg "The Heart of Christianity") and think that life is better when we understand that More in the way that Jesus did. The Disciples have let me come to this place, to search, to seek, to learn, to laugh, to grow. Maybe they exist only for me -- but I doubt it!

Funerals and people on the edge

2009-02-06T15:21:00.003-06:00

This week I met a woman who has cancer, the kind that has spread and makes her eligible for an experimental study.... 3 kinds of chemo drugs instead of 2. She had surgery and is miserable. Her family keeps encouraging her to fight, to try to beat this monster that is ravaging her insides. It's a tough call. As Christians, I believe that we should try to live life to its fullest. I believe that we need to give it our best shot. But I'm not so sure that we are obliged to partake of every single thing that the medical profession can throw at us. And how do you tell your loved ones "I'm tired. I'm through. I don't want to go through the pain."

Of course when someone is discouraged and hurting, perhaps they are not the at peak of their decision making capacity. But it is their life -- or the life that God gave them. Should they not be able to make that decision on their own? Does age and stage of life enter into the decision?

As I was with a loved one of this woman, I wondered aloud whether I would have the courage to fight -- or the courage to slip away. My faith tells me that there is something better to look forward to after this life, so why shouldn't I, if it's my time, go? But I could be wrong, and that little bit of doubt could change my mind so that I would hold on here as long as possible. Who knows?

Another woman did pass to new life this week, a lovely woman in her 90's. I didn't know her until these past few years when the ravages of life had already taken its toll. But I am told by others that she was a wonderful person, warm and full of life in her younger years. Her husband faced some difficult medical decisions toward the end, ones that she was incapable of making for herself. 100 years ago there would have been no decisions to make, only a vigil to keep. But God has given us the intelligence to prolong the inevitable, and we, being creatures prone to fear, are often reluctant to say no to them.

I've often said that I would rather preside at a funeral than a wedding. People probably think of me as jaded or twisted when I say that. Both are celebrations of new life. But my reasoning is this: the new life that is begun at a wedding is often completely overlooked by the enormity of planning for the ceremony itself. If couples spent 1/2 the time they spend on planning a ceremony in planning a life together, the divorce rate would probably be much lower. A funeral on the other hand is less about the ceremony and more about the remembrance of a life well lived and the send off to a better place. While it is sorrowful, it is also filled with hope. I imagine that balloons are being released and bubbles are being blown for the one who has just arrived on the far shore, even as we are gathering the flowers and committing the ashes to the dirt. So, if on any given day I had my choice between the two ceremonies, I'd take the last one.

That's not to say that I'm not REALLY looking forward to celebrating the weddings of some of the youth who I have gotten to know through the past few years. I'll be crushed if at least SOME of them don't ask me to officiate. (I've got one coming up in a couple of years -- hope they don't change their minds.) It is my hope that I might help them through to a life together that is full of joy and capable of withstanding sorrow.

Life is good, marriage can be great -- but death doesn't have to be bad either.

We call ourselves Disciples

2009-02-03T12:17:00.004-06:00

This past Sunday, and for the next 2 weeks, my messages are about the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). I know that people don't pick churches because of denomination much any more. That's fine by me--- it just means that a few more people stumble into this wonderful group of folks. I've identified with the CC(DOC) for 20 years now. I have served as a deacon and an elder and the superintendent of the Sunday School, the Chair/Moderator of the Board -- and now I'm a pastor, in spite of all of that. I've taken part in too many "parking lot" meetings and know that most of us feel qualified to run our churches, thank you very much. We're stubborn and opinionated, and sometimes we're even downright mean to one another. If we were a family I'm sure we'd be labeled as dysfunctional.

But I think that can be a good thing -- if we truly are a family, that is.

My family of origin is much the same way as what I've described above. Now that we're the adults, we aren't as mean to each other as we used to be, and we can still have our moments of insensitivity. But we love each other with a passion. We'd do anything we could to help each other out if any one of us was hurting. Now we won't go overboard -- we're not all that sentimental. But we care about each other.... not only because we are related by blood, but because we've grown to like each other too.

That describes the Disciples to me. We are as varied as my family of origin -- in opinion and attitudes toward life, and yes, even in sexual orientation. But our strength is our ability to give space to everyone to be. Space for everyone to explore their faith without limits. At least this is the church that I belong to.

Of course there are also folk within this clan who don't want to let bygones be bygones. They want to make rules and regs as to who can serve and how often and when and where. But I think those folks are the minority, and we do our best to try to accommodate them without letting them run the entire show. It's a delicate balancing act... but I think it's what Jesus wants from us.

The biblical witness to the life of Jesus doesn't portray someone who was into making rules and setting up fences. He didn't seem like the kind who only hung out with the like minded. Jesus spent lots of time healing and urging people to "sin no more," but I don't think he ever turned away someone who wasn't able to live up to that expectation.

We call ourselves Disciples. We're certainly not perfect -- which is good, because I couldn't be here if we were. We don't ask you to check your brain or your opinions at the door. We would like for everyone to play nice, but in our better moments we're able to forgive you when you don't, in the hopes that you'll return the favor.

We call ourselves Disciples. A movement for wholeness in a fragmented world. We spend a lot of time collecting food and clothes and funds for those who don't have; we spend lots of energy waiting tables and building houses for those who need food and shelter. We aren't all that good at putting our faith into words (although we're working to get better), but we never hesitate to put our faith into action.

We call ourselves Disciples -- of Jesus of Nazareth. He's a pretty tough act to follow some days, but we're giving it our best shot.

I call myself a Disciple. Thanks for taking me in.

Retreating

2009-01-27T09:44:00.003-06:00

I am participating in a quarterly series of retreats with other clergy in our area. We go for 24 hours, from lunch one day to lunch the next. Today is the day, and I wish that I was looking forward to it. Well -- I'm looking forward to it in one way, but I'm feeling anxious and resentful in another. There is work to be done, and being at the retreat center is not the place for working. Of course I could take the work with me, but in order to really retreat I need to leave the work behind. Retreat means taking myself to another place so that I might concentrate on my relationship with God. I want to be excited... I have a special date with God! But as I anticipate my work week, it's seems wrong to take time out.

But if I was someone else, I would be telling someone else that this is time for recharging, time for rest that will allow me to get more done, not less. I believe this in my heart. Just can't convince my head.

On another note: swapping pulpits was fun! Although it was a very early morning, I had great company. We were treated well and I enjoyed a different crowd. The ones who seemed to appreciate it the most were the young people, and that made me very happy!

Faith, Hope, Love

2009-01-23T14:25:00.000-06:00

I really like the connections that are created in the blogosphere. I'm part of a community of faith where most of the folks aren't all that into this stuff, and originally I started this blog with the idea those that were would check it out. To date that hasn't happened.

But I will blog here nonetheless. I'm so full of hope for the future after the inauguration. How about you? Will the naysayers and fearmongers be able to overcome, or will hope and optimism win out? My children have asked me during bleak times "Are we gonna be ok, Mom?" Sometimes this is a personal question, encompassing only their small corner of the world; other times it is a concern for the entire planet, for all creation. It's the latter that gives me hope, because if they are concerned about something outside themselves, as are others, there is a reason to believe that faith can win over fear.

In the response to the closing of American detention centers in Guantanamo and the secret centers elsewhere, fear tells us that we might be opening Pandora's box as we relocate and release these detainees. Fear tells us that we can breach our values of justice for all for the sake of our security. Yet without the upholding of justice there is no security, because we will eventually turn into the very people we are afraid of. Total security can only be had at the expense of liberty. I pray that we are never so afraid that we succumb to the illusion that we can have both.

Inauguration reflections

2009-01-20T12:45:00.000-06:00

Wow! What a day! I stayed home and from my living room prayed and cried and laughed! President Barack Obama. I like the way that sounds. Hope is rekindled and challenges abound.
My prayer is for unity, that those who are skeptical can find reasons to be hopeful of great, positive changes. Some folks are genuinely scared. (Now they know how I felt 8 years ago.) I pray that this new President and his cabinet will prove to be worthy of the trust that we are putting in their hands for the future. I pray that everyone will find some positive way to make a difference in the lives of their neighbors. I pray that we will all "brave those icy currents" to make our way to the beach where all are free and all are fed, where no one is at war and everyone is at peace.

Glory to God!

Expecting

2008-12-02T15:02:00.000-06:00

I've been pregnant 4 times, and given birth an equal number. A couple of those times the news was, to be polite, a BIG surprise. Once early in my life, once much later, I learned that I was to become a mother in days when babies weren't part of my plans. But they quickly became just that. As my mother said of her seven children "I practiced planned parenthood. As soon as I knew I was pregnant I planned to have a baby."

This weekend I'll be using Mary's Magnificat as the text. As I read the text, she too was the recipient of a BIG surprise. Her recorded reaction was 100% different than mine. "Let it be done according to God's will." And then her poem, song of praise -- the Magificat. Praising God for getting her in a family way before she had even lived with Joseph? Even though she was promised to become the mother of the Chosen One, I think its remarkable that she could start singing a happy song, without stopping to think about the stuff that was going to happen to her that wasn't going to be so exciting.

Yet she did. Her reaction is that of someone whose faith is unshakable and whose being is entirely infused with the desire to please God. Mary's reaction to this pregnancy is an example of someone who assumes God knows best first and then, perhaps, looks at the wider ramifications. I haven't reached that ability yet. I'd like to get even 1/2 way there before I die. I'm certain that the world would be a much better place if we could all leap to this particular conclusion first: no matter what happens, God can shape it for the good of all concerned.

That world would be truly magnificent, wouldn't it!

The Quality of Waiting

2008-11-28T14:08:00.000-06:00

Regardless of what the retail industry is telling us, Christmas isn't here yet! I admit it; I'm a curmudgeon when it comes to keeping Advent. I believe in the tension of waiting. I believe that it is a spiritual exercise that we too often deny ourselves. We rush from task to task, from obligation to obligation, and if we have to wait between these things, we simmer, we fume, we boil. Or at least that's what most of us do.

But if we were to recognize waiting as a time of grace, of a time for reflection on what's been good in our lives, would we be in such a hurry? The text for this week is Isaiah 64:1-9. This isn't a happy, feel-good text, but one that highlights God faithfulness to us as we wait. For me it has highlighted the idea that waiting in productive time, not a waste as we all too often think of it. It's an invitation to see God at work behind the scenes.

Let's accept God's invitation to wait for the celebration of the birth of the Christ child. Let's chill out and accept the gift of waiting!

Getting what we didn't ask for

2008-10-29T15:58:00.000-05:00

Exodus is a great story. Before we read it, though, most Americans need to erase the vision of Charleton Heston in Cecil B. DeMille's Ten Commandments from our minds eye. There are some similarities -- but there are many differences too.

For instance, do you remember that God told Moses to ask for a 3 day leave of absence? The familiar refrain is "Let my people go!" But the end of that phrase is "...so that they may hold a festival to me in the wilderness. (Ex 5:1) God had said to Moses. "...go to the king of Egypt and say to him, 'The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, has met with us. Let us take a three-day journey into the wildrenesss to offer sacrifices to the Lord our God.'" (Ex. 3:18) The reason for a three-day journey was so that they could get far enough away from the Egyptians' settlements so that their sacrifices wouldn't stink up the city. The people, when they left, thought they were going on a road trip -- a vacation -- not a life-long journey!

How many times has this happened; you think you're going to live a simple, well-planned life, and then something happens: illness, accident, death of a loved one -- these circumstances can take us on a life-long journey that we never intended to embark upon.

God protects those who get where they're going in the time that they think they are going there, as well as those who travel down detours, whether they are of their own making or whether they are forced upon them. The challenge is for those who get to finish their trip according to plan to realize that those who don't get to their destination often didn't veer off the road because they wanted to -- it's just the way it turned out.

Power to Continue

2008-10-09T10:23:00.001-05:00

"The Power of God and gods of Power" series has been challenging, but enlightening. It is difficult to translate what it means to rely on the power of the living God, particularly when I feel like I'm personally running out of steam. But the fact that I am continuing to put in a full day's work means that the power is coming from somewhere, and I choose to believe it is from being tapped into the living power of God.

This week we're going to explore 2 of the biggest theological topics there are: Why does God permit suffering, and how do we discuss and understand the Trinity. These are big questions -- and the answers only partly satisfy. This is where faith is necessary -- that certainty of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. We can't always explain everything to our ultimate human satisfaction, just as human activity would never be fully explanable to an ant. We don't have the capacity to fully understand the ultimate Mystery. This frustrates some and confounds many. Yet to throw up our hands and say "forget it all" isn't an option either, because the longing to be connected with this power doesn't go away.

Some answer this longing outside "organized" religion (only those on the outside think we're really organized -- we know the truth!). They try to connect with the "universal life force" or talk about karma. No matter what we call it, we're still looking for completeness. Even the atheists that rail against the existence of God and claim that the evils of society can be laid at the doorsteps of those of us who believe in God's existence "doth protest too much." (Besides, if we're responsible for all of those evils, you have to acknowledge all of the things that we've done right as well, because there have been many.)

I think the power to continue to explore Mystery is given to us by that Mystery --- because God loves us so much God is always looking for us to come and dance!

The Power of God -- can it be defined?

2008-09-18T15:57:00.000-05:00

Daniel Migliore's book The Power of God and the gods of Power is the basis for the current sermon series. The premise is that we must be aware of the gods that often take the place for the real, living God in our lives. Reading it has been challenging -- preaching about false gods is even more so, because they are pervasive and often invisible to the naked eye. We all must uncover those gods to clear our way to living for the real God.

What are the gods that dominate our lives? How is our distorted view of the living God affecting how we live? As we continue to study this, I'm reminded that what we call power and what God considers power are all too often completely disparate things.

Young and Enthusiastic

2008-07-29T17:09:00.000-05:00

I'm back from my week in California with 13 youth and 2 adults doing mission work and attending the International Christian Youth Fellowship Conference. The theme was "Read the Book -- Be the Movie". These young ones are doing their best to live out their faith in all of its confusion. They are spiritual and earthy at the same time. They are not afraid to name something junk when they see it and claim something true when they experience it. They aren't doing church the way we did -- and I think that's a good thing. They are not content to attend services on Sunday and say that this is their religion. They want to experience God's world, help God's people, and drink in everything that their Creator made for them that is good.

It was my great fortune to be with them this week. It's kept me out of the pulpit and allowed me to soak up so much of the gospel that I'm overflowing. I can't wait to share it all with you.

God and teenagers

2008-07-15T16:18:00.001-05:00

Well -- sorry all of you avid blog fans, but I won't be preaching this week. Instead, I am joining 5 teens and a recently former teen (he's just turned 21, so he's an "adult"!) for our International Christian Youth Fellowship once-every-4-year event. We'll be doing mission work and then hangin' with God together in worship, workshops and frivolity.

The reason that I'm still hanging with these cool people could be summed up by the 21 year old. I've been doing this for 6 years now, and its such a God-high to see these folks get their own "ah-ha" moments. The 21 year-old used to be in my youth group. He's a fantastic young man, and he's still searching (as are we all) but that's the point. He hasn't given up looking for God or what God is calling him to do. If by attending events like this and camp and other Christian activities these young people continue to seek, then the time spent is all worth it.

Now -- ask me how I feel about sleeping on church gym floors and leaving for the airport at 5:45 a.m.

It's all part of the calling -- part of continually seeking God!

Sowing seed

2008-07-08T11:04:00.000-05:00

Matthew 13:1-9; 18-23

I don't know how many of you are gardners. My grandmother was a prolific flower grower, and my father had a huge vegetable garden when I was a child. But me - well, I've got a few bulbs planted but that's about the extent of it. Sometimes I'll get flowering annuals and put them out. I can't remember the last time I planted a seed to grow anything though.

Jesus tells the story about a sower who scatters the seed and then watches what happens. My first question is this -- why wasn't he more careful? Would it have taken that much more time to be sure that the seed all went into the good soil? But that's not the story. Some of the seed falls where it has no chance to bloom, some in shallow soil so that it blooms then quickly dies, some of it grows ok but is choked out by weeds, and the last is the good stuff that stays good.

In the church I think we are most likely to fall into the middle two categories. We get excited about God but then burn out quickly, or we get excited about God but forget God when the cares of life take away our attention. We're always striving to be the constantly faithful ones, but all too rarely do we acheive it.

As we get ready to explore this week's scripture, I wonder what we'll learn about getting our spiritual nutritional needs met.

Beast of burden

2008-07-02T14:33:00.000-05:00

I never really got into the lyrics of "Beast of Burden" by the Stones. I can hear the tune "Let me be your beast of burden...." but that's about it.

This week I'm studying the passage in Matthew where Jesus says "my yoke is easy and my burden is light." He's asking us to take on his yoke, then tells us its easy and light. Gotta say that at first blush this seems pretty much counter-intuitive to me. Jesus took on the heaviest burden ever -- trying to live a life completely centered on God's desires for the world, working against the power of evil, shunning the power of violence and force. Sorry -- that doesn't sound "easy" or "light" to me.

Can't wait to dig into this one. Maybe you'd like to join me and share your thoughts? Please do!
(Matthew 11:25-30)

Unreasonable Requests

2008-06-24T15:02:00.000-05:00

This week I'm studying the passage in Genesis where Abraham is given the order to sacrifice his son Isaac. It's a troubling story. Christians like to think of it as a prefiguring of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ (God's only son) -- but it seems like a different story to me.

Isaac is a small child; Jesus is a grown man. Isaac is being led to this by a father who does not give him a choice; Jesus goes to the cross of his own volition, knowing that he could pass it up if he chose to do so. In some ways perhaps Jesus has more in common with Abraham than Isaac. Abraham and Jesus both had a choice to make: to obey God's challenge or to walk away from it.

How many of us have similar challenges? Do we recognize them when we receive them, or are we so adept at following our own agendas that we turn a blind eye and a deaf ear? More often than not I am afraid that I am "Helen Keller" -- without sight or hearing -- when it comes to recognizing the sacrifices that God is calling me to make. It's not about obedience, it's about obliviousness!

Can't wait to see if I am able to see and hear God's leading this week. Want to look with me?

Strangers in a strange land

2008-06-20T09:07:00.001-05:00

I'm getting ready to prepare a message about Hagar and Ishmael. I find it interesting that Hagar was an Egyptian, brought to Canaan to be a slave of Sarah's. Yet in three generations the descendents of Sarah would be moving back to Egypt to escape famine in the "land of milk and honey" to which they would not return for several centuries.

While the known world was much smaller geographically in those days, we still find ourselves becoming strangers in our own land. We citizens of the United States have taken for granted that we live in the good land, the promised land. And yet we are finding that we are increasingly dependent upon strangers in foreign places for our energy needs and food, among many other things. As our educational systems fall farther behind we will be more dependent upon strangers for scientific advances. As we divest ourselves of industry we become dependent upon strangers for the goods we use every day. The promised land only remains so long as the strangers continue to cooperate.

How does God enter into all of this? As I read Genesis, I see that God promised to bless Hagar and Ishmael and their descendents just as God blessed Sarah and her descendents. Sarah treated Hagar horribly, and yet Hagar's people welcomed Sarah's great-grandchildren and fed them in their time of need. Centuries passed and Sarah's people became the slaves of Hagar's people. Was this some kind of divine "tit for tat" exchange for Sarah's treatment of Hagar?Probably not -- I don't think God works that way. But it certainly was a complete turnaround in human affairs, wasn't it!

As we approach the celebration of Independence Day in the United States of America, perhaps we should do an internal audit to see how we are treating the other peoples of the world. Who are we enslaving because of our monetary policies? Who are we abusing because they will work more cheaply than we will work? What's it going to feel like when someday we find that another country is the "land of milk and honey"?

Beginning a dialogue

2008-05-16T13:38:00.000-05:00

Let's talk. It's become clear to me as we look toward the future of our almost 70-year-old church that we need to communicate in every format that we can. So this blog is a wonderful opportunity to do just that. It's set up for two way communication -- actually, it's not limited to 2, it could be 200,000 -- but you get the picture.

I see this blog as a place where I'll let you know what's going on in my head and you can let me know what's going on in yours. It's a place, particularly for those who are interested in our little congregation, to ask questions and explore answers, be they deep or shallow. It's a place where we can set up a continual "town hall" meeting, seeking to understand one another so that we can be more effective in our ministry to others.

I will post at least once a week; more often if the mood strikes me. I'll give you some background for the upcoming or previous week's message. I'll let you know what I'm considering preaching about in the months to come. I hope you'll feel free to comment.

In this year of great political theater, I find myself drawn to 2 books. The first one is an update of a book written in 1983 entitled The Power of God and the gods of Power by Daniel L. Migliore. (Westminster John Knox Press, 2008) This one I have in my possession and am up to page 10. The second one is Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw. (Zondervan, 2008). I don't have this one yet but will be purchasing it soon. I'm thinking about using them either from the pulpit or as a book study. If you have some time to read them, let me know what you think.