As a minister I often receive forwarded e-mails from my congregation such as this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlfEdJNn15E. This is of a tour of the capitol lead by a pastor. The main focus is about our founding fathers being Christian, with visual evidence from paintings in the Capitol and other evidence from letters, etc. I have not researched the accuracy of the statements made in the video, but I am willing to take them as being factual.
What is implied but not said in the video is that the United States of America was founded as a Christian nation with Judeo-Christian values and therefore our government should be promoting Christianity. These are my words and not theirs, but this is the context in which I place these comments.
While it may be factual that many of the first citizens of this country were Christian, these same Christians stated in the 1st Amendment to the Constitution the following: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
When the writers of this amendment wrote it they were probably thinking of different sects of Christianity and perhaps Judaism. However, I've also been told that the level of church attendance around the time of the Revolution and during the writing of the Constitution was almost as low as it is today. A generous estimate is that 20% of our population is in worshiping in some house of worship in any given week. Some of the low attendance at that time might be attributed to people living in rural areas without access to churches, but it's my understanding that church attendance in the cities was not high either. That low attendance might not have been a sign of lack of faith, although it certainly was indicative of a lack of public worship. If you ask Americans today if they believe in God and if they pray the percentages are pretty high, somewhere between 85% and 90% is usually quoted. But that doesn't mean that they are all Christian, or attending a Christian church, or practicing a Christian life.
Just because government declares a religion the "official" state religion doesn't necessarily mean the citizens embrace that religion. Until the year 2000 the Lutheran church was the official church of Sweden. Yet I just went to the official website for Sweden and this is what it said: "In practice, Sweden is very secularized. The Church of Sweden is Evangelical Lutheran;[it] co-exists with many other beliefs."
Some Christians think the government persecutes Christianity, citing instances such as Christmas displays removed from city squares. Yet the school year still revolves around Christian holidays, especially Christmas. Should we be closing school for holidays celebrated by other religions? Or, should we Christians, like most other religions, be confronted with the choice to send our kids to school on a holy day or keep them home to observe it?
If our government was going to promote Christianity, I have two concerns:
1. Who gets to decide what kind of Christianity is acceptable? and
2. If a citizen chooses some other kind of religion or no religion, is it acceptable to ask the government to promote that too?
The Declaration of Independence says "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." If I am a citizen who chooses not to be religious, am I receiving equal treatment if I am subjected to government promotion of religion?
Perhaps we need to be careful what we are praying for. A prayer for the United States to "once again be a Christian nation" might be answered in the affirmative. But what if that Christianity wasn't YOUR brand of Christianity?
Hmmmmmm......
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
New beginnings
Every time someone new comes to a staff they bring great expectations. We look at the new person as the catalyst that will get the rest of us excited again. We expect the new person to bring in new ideas and new perspectives that will re-energize us in our work. Many times this is the case, and sometimes it isn't.
I've lived through both situations, and more often than not I was the one who had hired or recommended the person. Sometimes things have turned out mostly like I'd planned, and sometimes they've been even BETTER than I've planned. But I'd say on an average I've made the right decision in personnel about 75 to 80% of the time. That leaves a lot of wiggle room for disappointing decisions though.
In the next two weeks we have two new people starting here at the church. One is a director for our child care program and the other is coming to lead youth ministry. I know how I think they should affect the rest of us. Yet who really knows what will happen? One of them I've known for several years and have even worked with before. The other I just met a week ago. But I've hired people I thought I knew and things didn't turn out as I expected, and I've hired people who I didn't know and things have been better than expected. (And vice versa of course.)
We never really know the details we need to know about a person until we've been put in the same "corral" for a while. This is true in the workplace, in marriage, in any kind of relationship that requires regular interaction. There are always kinks to be worked out, expectations to clarify (on both sides), and just the general "get-to-know-your-work-style" phase. But after we get moving, we tend to let things coast (or at least I do.) And that's not the way to keep any relationship healthy.
So here I am hoping to change that approach this time. I want to be more responsive on a regular basis to both of these people, meeting with them regularly to discuss the joys and challenges they face and we face together. I can't take for granted that they will (or even should) see things the way I do. We need to be intentional about our relationship just as we should be intentional about ALL our relationships.
My prayer is for perseverance, to continue to climb the mountain that is ahead of any good relationship. It's always so easy to coast. I want to keep pedaling!
I've lived through both situations, and more often than not I was the one who had hired or recommended the person. Sometimes things have turned out mostly like I'd planned, and sometimes they've been even BETTER than I've planned. But I'd say on an average I've made the right decision in personnel about 75 to 80% of the time. That leaves a lot of wiggle room for disappointing decisions though.
In the next two weeks we have two new people starting here at the church. One is a director for our child care program and the other is coming to lead youth ministry. I know how I think they should affect the rest of us. Yet who really knows what will happen? One of them I've known for several years and have even worked with before. The other I just met a week ago. But I've hired people I thought I knew and things didn't turn out as I expected, and I've hired people who I didn't know and things have been better than expected. (And vice versa of course.)
We never really know the details we need to know about a person until we've been put in the same "corral" for a while. This is true in the workplace, in marriage, in any kind of relationship that requires regular interaction. There are always kinks to be worked out, expectations to clarify (on both sides), and just the general "get-to-know-your-work-style" phase. But after we get moving, we tend to let things coast (or at least I do.) And that's not the way to keep any relationship healthy.
So here I am hoping to change that approach this time. I want to be more responsive on a regular basis to both of these people, meeting with them regularly to discuss the joys and challenges they face and we face together. I can't take for granted that they will (or even should) see things the way I do. We need to be intentional about our relationship just as we should be intentional about ALL our relationships.
My prayer is for perseverance, to continue to climb the mountain that is ahead of any good relationship. It's always so easy to coast. I want to keep pedaling!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Is Excess Ever Good?
I've often said "Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess." This mantra has gotten me into trouble (such as with excess food) but it can also be a lot of fun (such as excess time spent playing). I realize that many promote the idea of complete moderation in all things. I know that there are lots of reasons that moderation should be the norm. Moderate political policies appeal to many people. Moderate use of resources is to be applauded. Moderate portions of food keep one from being overstuffed.
But aren't there occasions and seasons of life when excess is actually a good thing? Excessive enthusiasm about a vision might be the best way for the vision to be realized. Who wants to follow a leader who says "Here's the vision. I think it's really good. You should follow this vision."? Wouldn't you rather follow someone who is SOLD OUT for the vision. HEY PEOPLE... LOOK WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS IS? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME IN MAKING THIS GREAT THING HAPPEN? (imagine someone who is bouncing up and down with enthusiasm as this is said.) You might think they're a little strange, and you might not agree with the vision, but at least you'd know that THEY believe in it.
Or how about people who have excess money? Isn't philanthropy fueled by those who have, for whatever reason, accumulated so many resources that they are able to give away some of it for the good of others? I'll grant you that I'll probably never be rich, and perhaps that is why I have this belief that those to whom much has been given much is to be expected. If I was a billionaire maybe I wouldn't think that way, but I would hope that the generosity that I practice today would not diminish but would actually increase if I accumulated excess money.
Can we ever have too much of a good thing? Love, generosity, talent, wisdom. Can we ever be excessively kind (not phony kindness but REAL GENUINE CONCERN for others), or excessively empathetic or excessively enthusiastic? I guess it's possible.
But I'm holding on to my mantra. It is a nice accompaniment to "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission." But that's another post.
But aren't there occasions and seasons of life when excess is actually a good thing? Excessive enthusiasm about a vision might be the best way for the vision to be realized. Who wants to follow a leader who says "Here's the vision. I think it's really good. You should follow this vision."? Wouldn't you rather follow someone who is SOLD OUT for the vision. HEY PEOPLE... LOOK WHAT A GREAT IDEA THIS IS? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME IN MAKING THIS GREAT THING HAPPEN? (imagine someone who is bouncing up and down with enthusiasm as this is said.) You might think they're a little strange, and you might not agree with the vision, but at least you'd know that THEY believe in it.
Or how about people who have excess money? Isn't philanthropy fueled by those who have, for whatever reason, accumulated so many resources that they are able to give away some of it for the good of others? I'll grant you that I'll probably never be rich, and perhaps that is why I have this belief that those to whom much has been given much is to be expected. If I was a billionaire maybe I wouldn't think that way, but I would hope that the generosity that I practice today would not diminish but would actually increase if I accumulated excess money.
Can we ever have too much of a good thing? Love, generosity, talent, wisdom. Can we ever be excessively kind (not phony kindness but REAL GENUINE CONCERN for others), or excessively empathetic or excessively enthusiastic? I guess it's possible.
But I'm holding on to my mantra. It is a nice accompaniment to "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission." But that's another post.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I don't have time to write in this blog. But I have decided that it is one of those little disciplines in life that are good for me. So Here I Am Lord.
There are lots of changes going on in my world. We just hired two new people that I am responsible for overseeing. I am one of 5 pastors who have had a vision that we are praying about, laying out a fleece to see if it's God's idea or ours. My youngest child (and this time he really IS IT) is now officially a senior in high school, and the changes that brings are already making me feel wistful and a bit sad. But I'm the one who rallies around the cry "Change is good!" But it's also not the easiest route to travel.
I thought I'd also start posting my sermon manuscripts here from time to time, although that makes me a bit nervous. Mostly because what I write is often not what I end up saying. But, for what it's worth, I'm posting it here. Let me give credit to Andy Stanley and his book "The Principle of the Path" here before I post it. I've been using it for this month of Sundays as the basis for the sermon series. Usually I credit him in the sermon, but since this is number 4 of 5 I didn't this week. My bad. Here it is:
The Heart of the Matter Jer 17:9-10; Jn 8:31-32
Rev. Suzi Goldt August 15, 2010
The Principle of the Path:
“Direction, not intention, determines destination”
Let’s be honest. Most of us are bright enough to know that this principle is indisputable. We might not always SEE what’s at the end of the path, but when we look backward we can usually, if we’re truthful, see exactly how we got to where we are today. We can look back at the financial decisions we’ve made, the life-style decisions we’ve made, the relationship decisions we’ve made and say “Yep – that’s where everything came together for me.” Or “Darn – I really wish someone would have told me that I’d end up here; I would have gone a different direction.” And sometimes we look back and see that we were forced on to a detour that we didn’t want to take: the loss of a job; the death of a spouse; the downturn of the economy. Things like these are just like the big “DETOUR” signs around my neighborhood right now as they rebuild the Overland Parkway, otherwise known as 69 Highway or to really long-timers, the Switzer Bypass. There is no choice. I cannot get on where I normally do, and it usually adds a few minutes to any destination I’m heading for.
We’re all reasonably smart people with pretty good brains and lots of common sense. But we’ve all made decisions that we knew were NOT going to take us where we wanted to go from the minute we made them. Our intelligence didn’t stop us. For example, how many of us have taken on a payment for something that we just HAD to have, something like a new TV, a new car, a new kitchen, a time-share at the lake… I’ll bet each and every one in this room has, at some time, justified some action that really wasn’t totally justifiable. Sure, we might have been able to afford it. But we didn’t have any real NEED for it; we just WANTED it.
Take Chuck for instance. His wife had a perfectly good SUV. Chuck took it down and traded it in for a new one. The reason he TOLD himself that he bought it was “I got it because the other one was eating us alive with poor gas mileage. This one is more fuel efficient.” Give me a break. NOBODY buys an SUV if the real reason is fuel efficiency. The best SUV couldn’t possibly be as fuel efficient as a smaller car. But that was the reason that helped justify the purchase for Chuck. If he’d been honest, he probably would have said “The reason I bought it is because the new one looks better, smells better, has a Bluetooth and some smokin’ hot twenty-inch wheels.”
Now I don’t mean to pick on car purchases. We can do this with just about anything. We all know that we have.
The question is: Why do we do that?
We talked about making wise, prudent decisions last week. And we all know that the wise decision will take us down the path of ultimate happiness. But here’s the rub. Our IMMEDIATE HAPPINESS isn’t always stroked when we’re prudent. We are constantly on the prowl for that buzz of happiness that happens right NOW. We tell ourselves we should be happy that we take our money and put it into a savings account for a rainy day. But when we just saw that shiny new THING, that we had to have, like an18 foot bass fishing boat with 100% unsinkable level flotation, lifetime structural hull warranty, pro seat with power pole, and Teleflex sea star hydraulic steering,
or that beautiful solid oak dining set including a 10 foot extendable table with 8 chairs and a china hutch with two wood-framed, beveled glass doors, 3 adjustable glass shelves and halogen lights,
WE’RE NOT ALL THAT HAPPY!
And we should think: “I’ve got that money that I’ve been saving for future house repairs. Won’t it be wonderful to have the money to pay for a new roof when it starts to leak? That will make me happy.”
Of COURSE we don’t think that.
We think “I’d be very happy if I had that boat. It’s the coolest boat I’ve ever seen.” And then we start in with the justification. “I’d probably catch more fish in that boat because it would take me out farther into the lake and it would be more comfortable so I’d fish longer. And if I caught more fish we could eat them and we’d save money on our grocery bill. And I can take my grandchildren fishing with me and we’ll have a wonderful time.” (That excuse works even if that the grandchild isn’t even conceived yet.)
Or
“That dining set is JUST what I’ve been looking for. It is so beautiful.” And the justification stage kicks in “I can host all kinds of family dinners; we’ll really bond as a family around the table. The china hutch will hold my grandmothers china and my children will be enriched by the heritage of the stories that I’ll tell them about my grandmother.”
You get the point.
In the Message version of the writings of the prophet Jeremiah we read:
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be." Jeremiah 17:9-10 (the Message)
We lie to ourselves every day so that we can have what we want when we want it.
We don’t NEED the Starbucks coffee. We can brew coffee at home whenever we want for a lot less; even if we can’t bring ourselves to do that we can buy it at McDonalds. But we LIKE Starbucks better, and it makes us happy; so we buy it. Maybe we justify the $20 or $30 we spend a week on coffee by saying “It’s my one little luxury that I allow myself to have.” There’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s just be honest though; it’s not the ONLY luxury we have. Our entire lives are more luxurious than most of the rest of the world.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting what we want; but the only way to coolly examine our wants and recognize them as wants instead of needs is to be HONEST with ourselves. We are so used to justification that we automatically jump to those thoughts in order to make our wants OK. We can’t live wise, prudent lives on paths that lead to our ultimate destination if we’re not sure where we are right now. That’s why we’ve got to be honest with ourselves.
We might decide to go ahead and be unwise. We might know that a particular decision is going to take us down a path that will eventually lead us to a dead end, or even a destructive end. Prudent, wise people wouldn’t go there and we know it. But today we say “I’m going into the jungle knowing it’s full of poisonous snakes and deadly spiders. But that’s what I want to do and I’m going to do it.” No justification, just honesty.
At one point early in my ministry I counseled a couple who was planning their wedding. They had been living together for seven years, and now they were going to be married. The length of time they had been together was significant in itself because many marriages start to travel on some bumpy roads at the seven year mark. Their relationship was beyond bumpy. They didn’t agree on anything. They didn’t like each others habits. They didn’t agree on religion. They had completely different styles of money management. They didn’t agree on how their children should be raised. (Thankfully they didn’t have any at the time.) One of them dominated the other one and the one being dominated resented it terribly. So after three counseling sessions I asked them, “Why do you want to get married to each other?”
And she said, “Because I love him.
And he said, “Because I love her.”
If love had ever existed in that relationship, it was hard to find evidence of it now. They could not come up with any concrete answers to the question. I advised them together and separately to seriously consider breaking up, living apart and taking some time as individuals to find out what they really wanted from a mate.
I’d love to tell you that they didn’t get married. They did. And I performed the ceremony, justifying it by saying “Well they’d just go get someone else to do it so I guess I might as well.”
And they justified it by saying “When we get married everything will be different.”
All three of us were wrong.
Jesus, in the gospel of John says this:
"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32 (TNIV)
Only when we tell the truth to ourselves can we be free to follow the wise path and avoid destruction.
In every area of my life I have learned that if I have to think of a justification for what I am about to do, then I need to think hard about whether I should be doing it at all.
That doesn’t mean that blind decisions made hastily are the way to stay on the path either. We can’t rush into a decision without thinking and assume that it’s going to take us where we want to go. We could get lucky, but the odds are against us.
But most decisions aren’t made blindly. And usually we have plenty of information and insight and can SEE that a particular path is likely to lead us in the wrong direction. The problem is we deceive ourselves; we refuse to be honest with ourselves so we can justify our ability to do things that make us happy in the moment, even though they are more than likely to make us miserable in the long term.
Our society often lives by the adage “Trust your heart.” But Jeremiah had it right. The heart, that part of us that is looking for immediate happiness, lies to us. The only way we can work around it is to KNOW that it lies. To be honest with ourselves about our ability to deceive ourselves. We can’t trust it, because it’s like a two-year-old. It’s that part of us that does not want to see that a stove is hot and that if you pull the dog’s tail it will bite. Your two-year-old self will find a way to convince your adult, wise, prudent self that eating that pastry today won’t kill you; that hanging around the cute girl in the office won’t lead to infidelity; that going into debt that you can’t afford won’t ruin you.
The truth is liberating, but it can be terrifying and maddening. Whenever we’re about to make a decision that could end in an undesired destination, let’s fill in the blank. Say “The real reason I ……..”
The real reason I don’t invite people to my home is….
The real reason I don’t call my kids is…..
The real reason I don’t call my parents is….
The real reason I drink so much is….
The real reason I don’t go to church is…..
The truth will set us free to follow the path that takes us in the correct direction.
But first it might make you scared. It might make you angry.
But better to be scared and angry now with the truth than to be angry later with the deception.
There are lots of changes going on in my world. We just hired two new people that I am responsible for overseeing. I am one of 5 pastors who have had a vision that we are praying about, laying out a fleece to see if it's God's idea or ours. My youngest child (and this time he really IS IT) is now officially a senior in high school, and the changes that brings are already making me feel wistful and a bit sad. But I'm the one who rallies around the cry "Change is good!" But it's also not the easiest route to travel.
I thought I'd also start posting my sermon manuscripts here from time to time, although that makes me a bit nervous. Mostly because what I write is often not what I end up saying. But, for what it's worth, I'm posting it here. Let me give credit to Andy Stanley and his book "The Principle of the Path" here before I post it. I've been using it for this month of Sundays as the basis for the sermon series. Usually I credit him in the sermon, but since this is number 4 of 5 I didn't this week. My bad. Here it is:
The Heart of the Matter Jer 17:9-10; Jn 8:31-32
Rev. Suzi Goldt August 15, 2010
The Principle of the Path:
“Direction, not intention, determines destination”
Let’s be honest. Most of us are bright enough to know that this principle is indisputable. We might not always SEE what’s at the end of the path, but when we look backward we can usually, if we’re truthful, see exactly how we got to where we are today. We can look back at the financial decisions we’ve made, the life-style decisions we’ve made, the relationship decisions we’ve made and say “Yep – that’s where everything came together for me.” Or “Darn – I really wish someone would have told me that I’d end up here; I would have gone a different direction.” And sometimes we look back and see that we were forced on to a detour that we didn’t want to take: the loss of a job; the death of a spouse; the downturn of the economy. Things like these are just like the big “DETOUR” signs around my neighborhood right now as they rebuild the Overland Parkway, otherwise known as 69 Highway or to really long-timers, the Switzer Bypass. There is no choice. I cannot get on where I normally do, and it usually adds a few minutes to any destination I’m heading for.
We’re all reasonably smart people with pretty good brains and lots of common sense. But we’ve all made decisions that we knew were NOT going to take us where we wanted to go from the minute we made them. Our intelligence didn’t stop us. For example, how many of us have taken on a payment for something that we just HAD to have, something like a new TV, a new car, a new kitchen, a time-share at the lake… I’ll bet each and every one in this room has, at some time, justified some action that really wasn’t totally justifiable. Sure, we might have been able to afford it. But we didn’t have any real NEED for it; we just WANTED it.
Take Chuck for instance. His wife had a perfectly good SUV. Chuck took it down and traded it in for a new one. The reason he TOLD himself that he bought it was “I got it because the other one was eating us alive with poor gas mileage. This one is more fuel efficient.” Give me a break. NOBODY buys an SUV if the real reason is fuel efficiency. The best SUV couldn’t possibly be as fuel efficient as a smaller car. But that was the reason that helped justify the purchase for Chuck. If he’d been honest, he probably would have said “The reason I bought it is because the new one looks better, smells better, has a Bluetooth and some smokin’ hot twenty-inch wheels.”
Now I don’t mean to pick on car purchases. We can do this with just about anything. We all know that we have.
The question is: Why do we do that?
We talked about making wise, prudent decisions last week. And we all know that the wise decision will take us down the path of ultimate happiness. But here’s the rub. Our IMMEDIATE HAPPINESS isn’t always stroked when we’re prudent. We are constantly on the prowl for that buzz of happiness that happens right NOW. We tell ourselves we should be happy that we take our money and put it into a savings account for a rainy day. But when we just saw that shiny new THING, that we had to have, like an18 foot bass fishing boat with 100% unsinkable level flotation, lifetime structural hull warranty, pro seat with power pole, and Teleflex sea star hydraulic steering,
or that beautiful solid oak dining set including a 10 foot extendable table with 8 chairs and a china hutch with two wood-framed, beveled glass doors, 3 adjustable glass shelves and halogen lights,
WE’RE NOT ALL THAT HAPPY!
And we should think: “I’ve got that money that I’ve been saving for future house repairs. Won’t it be wonderful to have the money to pay for a new roof when it starts to leak? That will make me happy.”
Of COURSE we don’t think that.
We think “I’d be very happy if I had that boat. It’s the coolest boat I’ve ever seen.” And then we start in with the justification. “I’d probably catch more fish in that boat because it would take me out farther into the lake and it would be more comfortable so I’d fish longer. And if I caught more fish we could eat them and we’d save money on our grocery bill. And I can take my grandchildren fishing with me and we’ll have a wonderful time.” (That excuse works even if that the grandchild isn’t even conceived yet.)
Or
“That dining set is JUST what I’ve been looking for. It is so beautiful.” And the justification stage kicks in “I can host all kinds of family dinners; we’ll really bond as a family around the table. The china hutch will hold my grandmothers china and my children will be enriched by the heritage of the stories that I’ll tell them about my grandmother.”
You get the point.
In the Message version of the writings of the prophet Jeremiah we read:
9-10"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be." Jeremiah 17:9-10 (the Message)
We lie to ourselves every day so that we can have what we want when we want it.
We don’t NEED the Starbucks coffee. We can brew coffee at home whenever we want for a lot less; even if we can’t bring ourselves to do that we can buy it at McDonalds. But we LIKE Starbucks better, and it makes us happy; so we buy it. Maybe we justify the $20 or $30 we spend a week on coffee by saying “It’s my one little luxury that I allow myself to have.” There’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s just be honest though; it’s not the ONLY luxury we have. Our entire lives are more luxurious than most of the rest of the world.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting what we want; but the only way to coolly examine our wants and recognize them as wants instead of needs is to be HONEST with ourselves. We are so used to justification that we automatically jump to those thoughts in order to make our wants OK. We can’t live wise, prudent lives on paths that lead to our ultimate destination if we’re not sure where we are right now. That’s why we’ve got to be honest with ourselves.
We might decide to go ahead and be unwise. We might know that a particular decision is going to take us down a path that will eventually lead us to a dead end, or even a destructive end. Prudent, wise people wouldn’t go there and we know it. But today we say “I’m going into the jungle knowing it’s full of poisonous snakes and deadly spiders. But that’s what I want to do and I’m going to do it.” No justification, just honesty.
At one point early in my ministry I counseled a couple who was planning their wedding. They had been living together for seven years, and now they were going to be married. The length of time they had been together was significant in itself because many marriages start to travel on some bumpy roads at the seven year mark. Their relationship was beyond bumpy. They didn’t agree on anything. They didn’t like each others habits. They didn’t agree on religion. They had completely different styles of money management. They didn’t agree on how their children should be raised. (Thankfully they didn’t have any at the time.) One of them dominated the other one and the one being dominated resented it terribly. So after three counseling sessions I asked them, “Why do you want to get married to each other?”
And she said, “Because I love him.
And he said, “Because I love her.”
If love had ever existed in that relationship, it was hard to find evidence of it now. They could not come up with any concrete answers to the question. I advised them together and separately to seriously consider breaking up, living apart and taking some time as individuals to find out what they really wanted from a mate.
I’d love to tell you that they didn’t get married. They did. And I performed the ceremony, justifying it by saying “Well they’d just go get someone else to do it so I guess I might as well.”
And they justified it by saying “When we get married everything will be different.”
All three of us were wrong.
Jesus, in the gospel of John says this:
"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32 (TNIV)
Only when we tell the truth to ourselves can we be free to follow the wise path and avoid destruction.
In every area of my life I have learned that if I have to think of a justification for what I am about to do, then I need to think hard about whether I should be doing it at all.
That doesn’t mean that blind decisions made hastily are the way to stay on the path either. We can’t rush into a decision without thinking and assume that it’s going to take us where we want to go. We could get lucky, but the odds are against us.
But most decisions aren’t made blindly. And usually we have plenty of information and insight and can SEE that a particular path is likely to lead us in the wrong direction. The problem is we deceive ourselves; we refuse to be honest with ourselves so we can justify our ability to do things that make us happy in the moment, even though they are more than likely to make us miserable in the long term.
Our society often lives by the adage “Trust your heart.” But Jeremiah had it right. The heart, that part of us that is looking for immediate happiness, lies to us. The only way we can work around it is to KNOW that it lies. To be honest with ourselves about our ability to deceive ourselves. We can’t trust it, because it’s like a two-year-old. It’s that part of us that does not want to see that a stove is hot and that if you pull the dog’s tail it will bite. Your two-year-old self will find a way to convince your adult, wise, prudent self that eating that pastry today won’t kill you; that hanging around the cute girl in the office won’t lead to infidelity; that going into debt that you can’t afford won’t ruin you.
The truth is liberating, but it can be terrifying and maddening. Whenever we’re about to make a decision that could end in an undesired destination, let’s fill in the blank. Say “The real reason I ……..”
The real reason I don’t invite people to my home is….
The real reason I don’t call my kids is…..
The real reason I don’t call my parents is….
The real reason I drink so much is….
The real reason I don’t go to church is…..
The truth will set us free to follow the path that takes us in the correct direction.
But first it might make you scared. It might make you angry.
But better to be scared and angry now with the truth than to be angry later with the deception.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Fear Not
I've just come from a meeting with some of the members of our church's Preaching Team. This group consists of individuals, both lay and clergy, who feel God's urging to speak publicly about their faith. The lay among them usually preach at our small chapel service each week, but occasionally are assigned to fill in at our larger services as well. We meet monthly to discuss the challenges of preaching and how we can be faithful to God through his church. Most of the time we address our mandate to help connect others to God through Jesus the Christ.
Today we talked about a lot of things. Because we don't follow an agenda we move from one topic to the next freely. Today we briefly discussed author Anne Rice's decision to "leave" Christianity but not Christ. We came to the consensus that she'd be very comfortable in our church. Then we circled back to how our church can be more effective in reaching people for God. We talked about how our society is so polarized; we talked about how the media loves to pit us against one another, and uses fear of the other to sell their wares to us.
Then it hit us. Perhaps the only "slogan" that we as a church need to share is this: Fear not. Do not fear. Don't be afraid. This is a theme that runs continually through the scriptures. God continually exhorts his people not to be afraid:
The word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
"Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward. (Gen 15:1)
So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:31)
There are a lot more than these; this just gives you a beginning.
So we decided that whenever we preach, at least for a time, we are going to share this simple message with our people. "Don't be afraid." In the words of one of my favorite Veggie Tales songs: "God is bigger than the boogie man.
Today we talked about a lot of things. Because we don't follow an agenda we move from one topic to the next freely. Today we briefly discussed author Anne Rice's decision to "leave" Christianity but not Christ. We came to the consensus that she'd be very comfortable in our church. Then we circled back to how our church can be more effective in reaching people for God. We talked about how our society is so polarized; we talked about how the media loves to pit us against one another, and uses fear of the other to sell their wares to us.
Then it hit us. Perhaps the only "slogan" that we as a church need to share is this: Fear not. Do not fear. Don't be afraid. This is a theme that runs continually through the scriptures. God continually exhorts his people not to be afraid:
The word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:
"Do not be afraid, Abram.
I am your shield,
your very great reward. (Gen 15:1)
So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:31)
There are a lot more than these; this just gives you a beginning.
So we decided that whenever we preach, at least for a time, we are going to share this simple message with our people. "Don't be afraid." In the words of one of my favorite Veggie Tales songs: "God is bigger than the boogie man.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Signs
I've been back from a twenty four hour retreat for 5 hours and it seems like it was a week ago.
It was a great retreat -- a working retreat but still very good. "God things" were happening with the five of us who went to Tall Oaks and discussed how God was moving in our midst. We asked ourselves "Why did God call us together? Why now? We asked for vision and wisdom. We prayed, we worshiped, we prayed and we were bold enough to believe that God may just have given us a huge vision. We even paid for a domain name for something that might never come to be. We're going to continue to have the vision confirmed and refined and then we'll lay it out for the world. But first we're laying out our fleece for God. A sign... something that helps us to KNOW we're headed in the right direction.
We could easily ignore this; in fact our lives would be much easier if we did. There's nothing really in it for us except work and struggle, probably heartache and derision to boot. But there is so much potential for great things to happen too, great things that WE might not even see come completely to reality. So if we really do follow this vision and it all comes to pass, it's truly going to be a "God thing."
I've got to find some time in the next 48 hours to pray about all of this deeply. If there's anyone reading this, I ask that you would pray too. Whatever the sign might be, I hope it's a clear YES or NO. But God rarely works that way, so we'll probably continue to live in ambiguity for a long time. Perhaps assuredness of ones path only happens in hind sight.
It was a great retreat -- a working retreat but still very good. "God things" were happening with the five of us who went to Tall Oaks and discussed how God was moving in our midst. We asked ourselves "Why did God call us together? Why now? We asked for vision and wisdom. We prayed, we worshiped, we prayed and we were bold enough to believe that God may just have given us a huge vision. We even paid for a domain name for something that might never come to be. We're going to continue to have the vision confirmed and refined and then we'll lay it out for the world. But first we're laying out our fleece for God. A sign... something that helps us to KNOW we're headed in the right direction.
We could easily ignore this; in fact our lives would be much easier if we did. There's nothing really in it for us except work and struggle, probably heartache and derision to boot. But there is so much potential for great things to happen too, great things that WE might not even see come completely to reality. So if we really do follow this vision and it all comes to pass, it's truly going to be a "God thing."
I've got to find some time in the next 48 hours to pray about all of this deeply. If there's anyone reading this, I ask that you would pray too. Whatever the sign might be, I hope it's a clear YES or NO. But God rarely works that way, so we'll probably continue to live in ambiguity for a long time. Perhaps assuredness of ones path only happens in hind sight.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The business and busy-ness of life
Twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the evening for meditation really appeals to me. I get to both about .05% of the time. I get to one or the other probably 50% of the time
An hour of aerobic and or strengthening exercise a day six out of seven days. I've accomplished this maybe twice in recent years.
Eating fresh, healthy, nutritious food for every meal. I'm batting about .300 for that one --- not bad for baseball, not good for health.
Managing my money so that I save 10%, give 10% and spend the rest wisely. Never did that very well either.
So does this make me a failure at life? Some might say so. But here's what I think I get right most of the time.
I care for my family and they care for me.
A day doesn't go by when I am not moved by something. I feel deep sorrow at many of the tragedies of life. I am angered and grieved by how unkind we can be to one another (including my own behavior). I rejoice in little things; the beauty of the sky when it's almost but not quite dark; the sound of teenagers exploring the world in their conversations; the amazing way musical harmony can resonate within my soul.
There are things that I do that make the world a better place for someone -- even if it's just one person at a time. I will admit that I'm too self-centered, yet at the same time I know that there are sacrifices (small as they may be) that I make for others.
Who knows if, in the end, all of the good that happens in my life will outweigh the things that I do poorly or leave undone completely. I have faith that God loves us so completely that we have no worries about being supremely happy in the hereafter, no matter what. Whether we are happy in the now depends upon our willingness to do what we know is meaningful and uplifting for us. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I think the struggle in life is to make today's experience as meaningful and uplifting as it is within my power to do.
And sometimes I allow the business and busy-ness of life to interfere with that.
Why do you suppose we do that to ourselves? Obligation? Fear? Inadequacy?
When I find out what it is for me, I hope I'm wise enough and strong enough to overcome it and make every day count.
An hour of aerobic and or strengthening exercise a day six out of seven days. I've accomplished this maybe twice in recent years.
Eating fresh, healthy, nutritious food for every meal. I'm batting about .300 for that one --- not bad for baseball, not good for health.
Managing my money so that I save 10%, give 10% and spend the rest wisely. Never did that very well either.
So does this make me a failure at life? Some might say so. But here's what I think I get right most of the time.
I care for my family and they care for me.
A day doesn't go by when I am not moved by something. I feel deep sorrow at many of the tragedies of life. I am angered and grieved by how unkind we can be to one another (including my own behavior). I rejoice in little things; the beauty of the sky when it's almost but not quite dark; the sound of teenagers exploring the world in their conversations; the amazing way musical harmony can resonate within my soul.
There are things that I do that make the world a better place for someone -- even if it's just one person at a time. I will admit that I'm too self-centered, yet at the same time I know that there are sacrifices (small as they may be) that I make for others.
Who knows if, in the end, all of the good that happens in my life will outweigh the things that I do poorly or leave undone completely. I have faith that God loves us so completely that we have no worries about being supremely happy in the hereafter, no matter what. Whether we are happy in the now depends upon our willingness to do what we know is meaningful and uplifting for us. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I think the struggle in life is to make today's experience as meaningful and uplifting as it is within my power to do.
And sometimes I allow the business and busy-ness of life to interfere with that.
Why do you suppose we do that to ourselves? Obligation? Fear? Inadequacy?
When I find out what it is for me, I hope I'm wise enough and strong enough to overcome it and make every day count.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Letting Go
This week my granddaughter was supposed to go to her first church camp. When I asked her if she wanted to go, she seemed enthusiastic. Her brothers both did too. That was at the beginning of the summer. On the first day of camp, about an hour after she was supposed to be there, I received word from her father/my son that she didn't want to go and he had forgotten about it. Her mother told her she didn't have to go.
I know that at 13 it is difficult to go someplace new on your own, without a friend. Yet her aunt/my daughter was there, and my granddaughter knew it. She didn't say anything about not wanting to go ahead of time. It wasn't until the day that camp started that we first had any inkling that she didn't want to go.
Now that would be reason enough for me to be peeved. The fee was already paid and I know I won't be getting all of my money back. But that's not the reason I'm having such a hard time letting go of this.
This family does not participate in any religious institution. That's at least partly my fault, as I wasn't participating in any religious institution on any regular basis when my son was growing up. I've never pushed to get them to do so because I firmly believe that it is their choice. But I can't think of a better place to experience God than camp. And that's the only reason I wanted them to go.
But I particularly wanted her to go, because she desperately needs to know that she's ok without having to act like an 18 year old. And she missed that experience.
So I'm trying to let go, and hoping that perhaps I can persuade her for next year.
Letting go. It's tough.
I know that at 13 it is difficult to go someplace new on your own, without a friend. Yet her aunt/my daughter was there, and my granddaughter knew it. She didn't say anything about not wanting to go ahead of time. It wasn't until the day that camp started that we first had any inkling that she didn't want to go.
Now that would be reason enough for me to be peeved. The fee was already paid and I know I won't be getting all of my money back. But that's not the reason I'm having such a hard time letting go of this.
This family does not participate in any religious institution. That's at least partly my fault, as I wasn't participating in any religious institution on any regular basis when my son was growing up. I've never pushed to get them to do so because I firmly believe that it is their choice. But I can't think of a better place to experience God than camp. And that's the only reason I wanted them to go.
But I particularly wanted her to go, because she desperately needs to know that she's ok without having to act like an 18 year old. And she missed that experience.
So I'm trying to let go, and hoping that perhaps I can persuade her for next year.
Letting go. It's tough.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Two days in a row
I think the secret to life is doing something for the second time. Of course if it's a really good habit, it needs to happen a lot more than twice. But NOTHING becomes a habit if you do it once.
So today I did one thing a second time ... second consecutive day that is. I'm posting to my blog. I really enjoy taking the time to write down my thoughts and the little exhibitionist in me (she has lived with me for a very long time) loves thinking that someone else might actually read it and that it will lead to something in their lives becoming just a little bit better because of it. Doesn't even have to relate to what I wrote. I find that many times I read other people's writings and get sent off on a tangent that makes a difference to me.
So today I'm trying to establish this new habit. Nothing too profound to say right now. Except that doing something twice means I'm much more likely to do it a third time.
As proof of that I went to my aqua aerobics class this morning. I've been doing some sort of exercise at least 3 times a week (most weeks that is) for almost a year now. It's because I went the second time a year ago. I'm still striving to do something physical six days out of seven.This week it's been 5 out of 5. If I go tomorrow (which is the plan) I will have made it to that goal for the first time this year.
But I had to go the second time to make it happen.
So ---- maybe I will become a blog giant by this time next year!
Later,
Me and my little exhibitionist
So today I did one thing a second time ... second consecutive day that is. I'm posting to my blog. I really enjoy taking the time to write down my thoughts and the little exhibitionist in me (she has lived with me for a very long time) loves thinking that someone else might actually read it and that it will lead to something in their lives becoming just a little bit better because of it. Doesn't even have to relate to what I wrote. I find that many times I read other people's writings and get sent off on a tangent that makes a difference to me.
So today I'm trying to establish this new habit. Nothing too profound to say right now. Except that doing something twice means I'm much more likely to do it a third time.
As proof of that I went to my aqua aerobics class this morning. I've been doing some sort of exercise at least 3 times a week (most weeks that is) for almost a year now. It's because I went the second time a year ago. I'm still striving to do something physical six days out of seven.This week it's been 5 out of 5. If I go tomorrow (which is the plan) I will have made it to that goal for the first time this year.
But I had to go the second time to make it happen.
So ---- maybe I will become a blog giant by this time next year!
Later,
Me and my little exhibitionist
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Learn something new every day!
Today I learned that if you have a blog you should a) write in it more often than twice a year; and b) check it for spam comments. I never even considered that such a thing as a spam comment existed!
So now I must make the decision whether or not to continue to keep this page up or to just ditch it and be done with it. Kind of like a lot of things in life. Just because they seem like a good idea or opportunity doesn't mean that they are always right for you.
I was talking to someone about this blog a few months ago and she said "Just do it." Sounds familiar, right? Changing habits is a terribly difficult thing. This is not a habit. But I know that I can change if I really want to. I'm now in the habit of removing my makeup every night. (I am somewhat ashamed to say that for years I simply waited until the morning to wash.) That's not as big of a thing as writing down my thoughts every day, or getting regular exercise, but even exercise is more prevalent in my life than it used to be.
Right now our sermon series is based upon a book called "The Principle of the Path". The principle is simple and obvious: Direction, not intention, determines your destination. Duh! But knowing that a particular life path probably leads to an undesired outcome isn't always enough to make someone want to take it. It's because a life direction always has that possibility, regardless of how slim, that it might work out differently for me in my particular unique circumstances. Unlike heading north, south, east or west on a road, the direction one takes in life has exceptions to the rule. Everyone has heard of the successful millionaire who never finished high school. The fact that 99.9% of high school dropouts DON'T become millionaires isn't deterrent enough. Everyone knows a pack-a-day smoker who lived to be 90. Everyone knows someone who overeats and doesn't exercise and still seems to be vital and healthy. Everyone knows someone who is a free-spending person who always seems to get by financially. But the odds are way against us. Why do we think WE will be the exception.
I know that I suffer from exceptional thinking all of the time, using the excuse "God will find a way." God has found a way. He's given us the ability to receive a good education; great amounts of healthy, nutritious food; muscles and hearts built to be used; saving and generosity to keep our finances in a healthy balance. Most of us are not going to see a burning bush or hear a voice from heaven that says "Head that way!" We have to rely on our own experience and that of others.
So Jacque, if you're reading this, thanks for alerting me to the spam/porn responses to my meager blog entries. I'm going to make a concerted effort to make this a #1 priority .... writing down my thoughts for whoever wants to read them for whatever reasons. It's just my attempt to share my experiences so that someone might have a better idea what direction to take in their own lives. Sometimes a bad example can be a good example of what NOT to do!
Like not ignoring your blog.
So now I must make the decision whether or not to continue to keep this page up or to just ditch it and be done with it. Kind of like a lot of things in life. Just because they seem like a good idea or opportunity doesn't mean that they are always right for you.
I was talking to someone about this blog a few months ago and she said "Just do it." Sounds familiar, right? Changing habits is a terribly difficult thing. This is not a habit. But I know that I can change if I really want to. I'm now in the habit of removing my makeup every night. (I am somewhat ashamed to say that for years I simply waited until the morning to wash.) That's not as big of a thing as writing down my thoughts every day, or getting regular exercise, but even exercise is more prevalent in my life than it used to be.
Right now our sermon series is based upon a book called "The Principle of the Path". The principle is simple and obvious: Direction, not intention, determines your destination. Duh! But knowing that a particular life path probably leads to an undesired outcome isn't always enough to make someone want to take it. It's because a life direction always has that possibility, regardless of how slim, that it might work out differently for me in my particular unique circumstances. Unlike heading north, south, east or west on a road, the direction one takes in life has exceptions to the rule. Everyone has heard of the successful millionaire who never finished high school. The fact that 99.9% of high school dropouts DON'T become millionaires isn't deterrent enough. Everyone knows a pack-a-day smoker who lived to be 90. Everyone knows someone who overeats and doesn't exercise and still seems to be vital and healthy. Everyone knows someone who is a free-spending person who always seems to get by financially. But the odds are way against us. Why do we think WE will be the exception.
I know that I suffer from exceptional thinking all of the time, using the excuse "God will find a way." God has found a way. He's given us the ability to receive a good education; great amounts of healthy, nutritious food; muscles and hearts built to be used; saving and generosity to keep our finances in a healthy balance. Most of us are not going to see a burning bush or hear a voice from heaven that says "Head that way!" We have to rely on our own experience and that of others.
So Jacque, if you're reading this, thanks for alerting me to the spam/porn responses to my meager blog entries. I'm going to make a concerted effort to make this a #1 priority .... writing down my thoughts for whoever wants to read them for whatever reasons. It's just my attempt to share my experiences so that someone might have a better idea what direction to take in their own lives. Sometimes a bad example can be a good example of what NOT to do!
Like not ignoring your blog.
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